I have been reading in Psalms, lately, and the title is the last part of the last verse in Psalm 20 and it struck me to the quick, on Tuesday. You see, Monday was a rough day. Potty training Jackson, albeit very "easy", has proved to be an emotionally difficult time for me. I don't know if you remember, but a few weeks back I had made the statement on here that I love my kids, I enjoy playing with them and we have tons of fun- as long as there's nothing else that needs my attention or needs doing around here and that's just what potty training has been- exhausting because it takes all my time and attention and I don't have much that's not being completely used up just living life. That being said, I think that I went into it with the wrong attitude and I have found that I often live my life with the wrong attitude. I don't know how many of you have tried for children and begged for a family and cried out to the Lord to fulfill your desire for children, but I have. And, I forget that. In the busy-ness of my life and in the craziness of all that goes on around here I forget to "remember the name of the Lord my God" and I forget that He answered my prayer and granted me my heart's desire in giving me all these sweet precious children!
Psalm 21:2 says, "You have given him his hearts desire and have not withheld the request of his lips!" As I read this verse and the Psalm before it, my heart was filled with this prayer: (and, since you all had to suffer through my whining about my life, I think you all should hear my repentant heart and my thankful heart, as well) ;)
Lord, You did fulfill my request and You answered my heart's desire. You gave me the children and the family that I begged for. I have been ungrateful. My heart has not been pleasing or right in Your sight. I have seen my children as a burden on my life and that is not even close to what they are. Why am I worried and upset about things that don't matter? Why do I let the world and my own selfishness get in the way of enjoying the blessing that You poured out on my life? Why have I forgotten how gracious You have been to me? And forgotten the tremendous blessings that You placed in my life- and so quickly, too?! First and foremost, Lord, forgive me. I am sorry for having my priorities screwed up and my heart our of joint. My attitude and my words have been anything but pleasing in Your sight and acceptable to You. I repent of that, Lord, and ask that You change my heart. Give me Your eyes to see my children as You do. Give me Your words to speak to them as You would. Give me Your hands to hold them and guide them in the right path. Give me Your strength to go on when I'm weary. Give me Your wisdom to know what is important and what isn't. But most importantly- give me Your heart and give me Your love so that I may pass that on to the sweet babies that You have blessed mine and Korey's life with.