Tonight, as I held my boy close and the reality that, barring a miracle, his beloved kitty- trucky- wasn't coming back sank in and he cried I realized how hard this parenting thing is. It's not the things that you can control that are hardest- it's the things you can't fix- the kitties you can't bring home, the hearts you can't fix that make this journey brutal. It was the words he uttered next, that really got me- "mommy, why did Jesus bring back Ariel when she ran away and not trucky?" Oooh, that one guts below the belt. That one struck me at the core- because the truth is- hailey didn't love Ariel like jack loved trucky. Ariel wasn't the nicest kitty, that was trucky. Ariel's not even as good at catching mice as trucky. By all human standards- It would have made more sense to have Ariel disappear, but it was trucky that did. I know it's just a kitty and a little boy- but his question resonated with my heart, because it's one I've asked many times myself- why me, God? Why did you answer her prayer and not mine? Why does she get that and not me? It's the "God, are you fair" question. And, I was so thankful that I'm in the middle of a bible study wrestling with these questions, because tonight I could hold my boy, stroke his face and say "I don't know, buddy. Nobody knows that but God. It's not our job to try and figure our why- it's our job to trust that God loves us and has our best and everyone else's best, in mind. We don't know if another little boy needed trucky more than you. We don't know if hailey needed to see God answer prayers so vibrantly to have her heart touched. We don't know if God is just asking us to trust in this hard time or if He'll let us in on His reason someday. All we know is that God loves us. He loves trucky- He knows where trucky is- and we can trust Him to take care of us and hold us when we feel sad". As my sweet boy drifted off to sleep it did my heart good to remember that God isn't fair, because if He were I deserve eternal punishment and separation from Him- not all these good and precious blessings He has heaped upon me. I can't assume that God should be fair, but I can know that He will always be just, loving and gracious towards me! My God not deal with me as I deserve, but through His mercy may I get just what I need to keep me fully dependent on Him!
Monday, April 28
Sunday, April 20
I read this to the kids this morning...
It's not about keeping rules...you don't have to be good at being good for God to love you. You just have to believe what Jesus has done and follow him. It's not about trying, it's about trusting. It's not about rules, it's about grace- Gods free gift- that cost him everything.(fromThe Jesus storybook bible)
All I can add is amen! Thank you Jesus!
Sunday, April 6
A few days ago I put pigtails in both the girls hair to see if I could mess up Korey...he didn't fall for it, but my Mom and Hailey both did and when Macy got up from a nap and I saw her walking down the hallway I called her Elli :) It was actually kind of fun to see how much a like the girls do look- when you take away the pigtails vs ponytail and opposite clothing colors! (I try to always put Macy in pink or the outfit with more pink in it...doesn't always work, now that they have their own little opinions on dress, but I try) :)
Can you tell them apart???
I realize that's not the best picture...trying to get them both to look straight at the camera is a lot harder than I had anticipated!
Elli cut her foot with the scissors, so she got a bandaid...naturally Macy needed one, too. Then they needed to give each other a hug and console one another.
Thursday, April 3
We've been just living "normal life" around here, lately, and it's been rather grand!
We've made pillow piles and jumped onto them.
we've gotten into trouble...
Macy found glitter and glue in her sister's bedroom decorated her bed and created a beautiful kitty picture for her
we finally found a use for mommy's old scrapbook paper!
we've taken good naps FINALLY! Yay!!
I finally split up the twins at bedtime, too, and am hopeful that it will make bedtimes a little less stressful. Elli is falling asleep in our bed and I'm moving her after she falls asleep...worked out great for 2 nights, but I'm trying not to get too hopeful :)
we've dressed up and played princesses...we've danced to music...buying the Frozen album for Hailey was the best use of our money- she absolutely adores it and we all listen to it over and over again!
we've gone grocery shopping. taking these three little ones is such a little adventure...today was a little rougher than some times have been, but there were still some pretty cute moments- like this one- waiting at the lunchmeat counter.
It's just feels good to have a little semblance of normal back around here! It feels good to finally have the kids not be so cranky. It feels good to have a little bit of our spunk and energy back. It feels good to have a tiny bit of nicer weather and a little glimpse of how wonderful summer is going to be!