Wednesday, August 13

bunny the butterfly

A few weeks ago Hailey found a very big and beautiful caterpillar and took it home and put it in a jar...not many animals that get put in jars survive our house, but apparently this caterpillar was different. Against all odds it created the most beautiful green sparkly chrysalis (no joke, I thought hailey had put sparkles on it). It soon got named "bunny" and every single day was checked on to make sure it hadn't become a butterfly overnight! Well, last night I noticed that "bunny" had emerged from the chrysalis and was starting to flap her wings. And this morning it was time to let bunny go. It was time to let her spread her wings and fly away.
Hailey was the proudest little butterfly mom. She carried it outside, she rescued it from the kitties and she gently tucked it up into a lilac bush, then she sat down to watch and wait for it to fly away. Well...bunny either needed more time, or more sunshine or the audience wasn't to her liking, because she never did more than flap her wings. Regardless of how much Hailey coaxed and cheered and encouraged her that butterfly had no intention of leaving her safe haven and we had to leave for swimming lessons. As soon as we got home all the kids piled out of the car to check on bunny in the bush, only to find it empty and bunny nowhere to be found. Hailey immediately started jumping up and down and cheering for her little one who had learned to fly, but the cheers soon turned to tears as she realized that bunny wasn't going to come back and live in the jar on her dresser anymore.
It made me think of being a mommy...
yesterday Jack learned how to ride a 2 wheeler. I was so proud of him. I was jumping up and down and cheering. But, as I watched him ride down the driveway I had to fight back the tears, because my little boy learned how to ride on his own, but he rode away from me and it reminded me that there's going to come a day when he rides off for good. A day when he doesn't stop and turn around and wait for me to cheer him on before going again.
In the bible study I'm doing right now, Lysa shared the verse
"Teach us to number our days carefully, so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts." (Ps.90:12)
and it keeps coming back to my mind. There's only so much time I get with my kiddos and I want to take care to not squander those days and hours that I get.
Today we are playing with caterpillars and butterflies and learning to ride 2 wheelers and use the potty. But, in the blink of an eye these days are going to be gone. As hard as they are. As exhausted as I get. As overwhelming as the demands of 4 little ones can be...I want to look at my days with the wisdom of a woman who knows it will come to an end and cherishes the little moments (and the big ones) for just that reason.
Already I'm having to "look forward" to Hailey starting kindergarten. As excited for her as I am and as much as we are all looking forward to the welcome "relief" from the busyness of the summer that the fall brings- it's hard to imagine my baby being gone all day every day and only getting the weekends to play and just "be" together. It's scary to surrender your baby to God's care and let her walk into the big ugly world. I know we don't have control or "care" of our children, anyways, and that none of us can even pretend that we can protect our children. But, it seems so much easier to keep them safe when they're within arms length. 
I feel much like Hailey did about excited and proud and like I wanna just cheer her on for being so big and grown up and "flying away" like such a big girl, but at the same time I want to just let the tears flow at the thought of my baby spending her day without me.
Ahhh...being a mommy is so tough and so contradictory.

Friday, August 1

Happy twins day!

The littlest girls in our house have been in "super cute" mode lately. I find myself more and more in awe of them. They have such a cool and unique relationship. They are so close- best friends, in fact. But, at the same time they will fight and wrestle like no girls I've ever seen!
In the last few weeks they have started talking in sentences and it's been absolutely precious to hear them yell, "Macy where are you?" Or "elli- belle, come here"! Or say, "I love you, elli- belle" 
I would never have said I wanted twins...I really never did. I always thought they'd be a bit overwhelming :) but, now that I'm a mommy to these two I'd wish twins on anyone! They're just so much fun! And, if the amount of cuteness and fun wasn't enough reason to love these two...their bond and relationship is truly awe inspiring! They love to hold hands, give random hugs and fight with one another- sometimes all at the same time :) I just love how close they there's really no "personal space" when it comes to them. I love how they hit and scream at one another one minute and are rollIng on the floor laughing the next. They share food and cups. They share beds and pillows. They share clothes and toothbrushes...even nuks :) 
I truly believe that God blessed my life when He made me the mommy to these two girlies. I'm so thankful I'm not the woman I was before I had them...although I do miss my sanity, my brain, and my pre-twin body a bit...I really don't miss much else!
 I love how these girls taught me to slow down, to savor life, to laugh and giggle with abandon, to throw caution to the wind and just "jump" feet first at whatever life has to throw at me. These two are awesome like that. They have absolutely no fear...not even when they should! I caught them taking turns jumping off of the top bunk and onto the one below about a week ago and this morning I caught them jumping off of the tire swing while the other one pushed it! (at least I know I have a heart that is working well, because there's not much that these two haven't tried  and there have been more times than I can count that my heart has lept into my throat and I've said the "God protect them" prayer as I ran)
I pray that as my little twinnies grow that they will always forgive and laugh as quickly; that they will remain best friends and loose the worst enemy status. I pray that they will continue to bring about growth and change in me (I'm pretty certain that ones a given) :) and that they will draw close to the one who promises to stick closer than even a twin sister- Jesus!
Elli has been a bit scared the last few days and it's been so precious to tuck them into bed and say "goodnight. mommy loves you. daddy loves you. Hailey loves you. Jack loves, but most of all- who loves you??" and to hear them simultaneously yell as loud as they can "Jesus loves you" :) It melts my heart and I pray that someday it won't just be repeated words, but it will be words that spring from a deep knowledge of the soul that Jesus does truly love them both!