Lately I've been really asking God to take away my pride. To just really break me and make me more like him....because, you see, I've been realizing that I'm kind of an "angry mom"! I wouldn't say I spend my whole day screaming and yelling, but I would say that I've definitely been more stressed, on edge, and generally a lot easier to get riled up since school started. A lot of that has to do with my pride.
I hate to be thought of as "that mom"...you know the one-
*who shows up to drop off her kid in her pj's- without makeup
*whose kid is always late
*whose kid doesn't have her teeth brushed
*whose kid didn't get her homework done
*who forgot the lunch money or the lunch box or the permission slip...or even the dentist appointment
*whose kid is mismatched or dressed too cold or too hot
*whose kid (or kids) throws a few (or a lot) fits on the floor of the school
*who can't seem to control any of the tiny little people that swarm all over her feet.
(yes! all of these things have happened to me in the past month that school has been in session)
I just hate being "that mom"!
Because in my feeble little mind that mom is a failure.
she can't keep it all together
she can't plan ahead
she is terribly unorganized
she is lazy
she is a bad parent
I never want to be labeled as any of those...so I work and I try and I stress and I plan...and when those carefully laid plans, those amazing schedules, the massive amount of work all crumbles I get irritated. I get stressed and I tend to get mad at the people closest to me. Blaming them for making it all fall apart.
It's sad really. In my pursuit to be thought of and seen as a better more together mom- I fail in the one thing that's the most important- showing Jesus to the 4 little people who live with me and the 1 big person I'm married to. It's like I'm stressing and striving and working to earn approval, but missing out on the fact that I'm already loved, cherished, blessed, and incredibly special to the God of the Universe! What more could I ask for? What more could any of us want than that?? Why does it matter what mere mortals think of us, when God, the creator of the Universe already loved me and cared for me enough to send His one and only son to die for me??
so, that's why I've been praying. I've been begging God to get rid of that in me. I don't want to be the perfect mom- I just want to be more like Jesus. Last time I checked Jesus cared more about people than schedules. He took time out to hold little ones on His lap and He stopped an entire crowd of busy people to care about one woman who had been healed. Jesus had time for people and I don't want to become so busy that I don't!
And...this morning...this morning was my biggest win yet!!
Someone couldn't find the socks she wanted...meltdown #1
Someone couldn't get her shoes on right...meltdown #2
Someone wanted the hat the other someone was wearing...meltdown #3
Someone wanted to go check his deer camera before we left for school...meltdown #4
Someone wanted to sit in the carseat her sister was sitting in...meltdown #5
Someone didn't want to stay at school, but wanted to go home with mommy...meltdown #6
yes, we were late to school
no, we didn't all have our faces washed or hair brushed
yes, I snuck chocolate for breakfast when no one was looking
no, Hailey didn't get her teeth brushed
yes, she wore pink cowboy boots with tights and shorts
yes, the dog peed on the floor while we were gone
yes, the dog ate lunch off the counter while my back was turned
It literally was "one of those days"
This momma can smile and carry on because me and Jesus kept it together this morning! There were no tears from this momma. There was no yelling. There was a lot of whispered prayers for patience. There were a few begs for a mouth that stays shut and a smile that is genuine. And we pulled through. We all survived. We laughed. We tickled each other. We even smiled as we walked into school late. We all thrived and that's way more important than all the parenting wins in the world!! :) (or maybe that is one of my biggest parenting wins yet??) :)