Thursday, September 24

Is there ever enough???

I used to think that the problem was that there wasn't enough time in my day to get all the things accomplished that I'd like to get done, but, now I've realized that it's not so much a problem of not eough time in the day as enough energy to fill up the time that I already have. (hence the reason I'm sitting on the couch writing this and not up vacuuming the floors or something like that!) I thought I'd been doing really well with getting all of my stuff done and crashing into bed each night, exhausted, but feeling really good about myself, until Korey brought me up short. The other night he asked, "why don't we have any fun anymore? why are we always so busy with stuff and so serious about everything? I miss how much fun we used to have!" I know part of it is just being parents and growing up- you don't have the ability to just leave whenever and go out for dinner on a whim or take a drive just for the fun of it. We're definitely more tied down with Hailey around, but he's right- what did happen to our fun??? I'm pretty sure that the answer lies with me. Most days by the time he gets home I've had my quiet time, done my bible study, run all over town, probably hung out with a friend or two, gone for a walk (if it's a good day), cleaned the bathroom, done what felt like loads of laundry, vacuumed at least two floors if not the whole house, filled and emptied the dishwasher at least once, snuggled with the baby, and maybe gone on facebook a few times. But, with all of that- somedays I barely have the mental and physical energy to get dinner on the table, let alone be funny and engaging when korey walks through the door. Besides, I'm not even sure I thought it was that big of a deal. But, Korey's question really brought me up short and made me think, honestly, about going back to work. I know that that's not the answer to any problem, but I think that for our marriage our best days were while I was working. When I was going to school I was busy doing homework at night and all that and when I worked from home I just missed that people to people contact so much that when he came home I think I was too clingy, but when I got a job at the bank I'd come home every night with funny stories about the people I saw or the people I worked with and all their drama.(not to mention the fact that every morning I'd put dinner in the crock pot before I left, so I didn't have to worry about that when I got home!) We didn't seem to have the struggle that a lot of couples have about not seeing each other- I think that in a weird way we both kind of liked having our own lives and just coming and hanging out together on the weekends and evenings. Plus, Korey worked 4, 10 hour days most of the time and that gave him a whole day off to go duck hunting, fishing, ice fishing or whatever else he wanted to on that day so that when the weekend rolled around or I got home from work he actually missed me and wanted to spend time with me- instead of wanting to be outside doing something. I know that I'm not going to go back to work, but it does make me wonder what I can do to make that "fun" come back to my life...maybe it would help if Korey did the laundry and helped clean the house like he used to...or maybe Hailey and I need to be gone when he gets home more often! ;) haha...i'm sure neither of those would make huge differences, but I'm really going to have to get it together and think of some funny stories to tell him when he gets home, tonight...or maybe I should take a nap so that I'm not as exhausted when he comes home...hmmmm...

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