Today I began my morning like I should begin every morning- a cup of tea, my bible and a journal! I think I am just one of those people that needs my time in the Word to have a good and God honoring day. I have always been like that. I can remember being younger and having my Mom say to me, "Jenni, you're a little cranky today, did you have a quiet time yet?" It used to make me so mad, because she was always right! If I missed a day I was cranky. I know that there are some people out there who can miss days, weeks, even months of quiet times and outwardly it isn't even obvious and at times I'm sort of jealous of those people...but, I guess it's good that it's so obvious with me! It keeps me going. I guess I'm just not one of those naturally nice people- I need the Word of God to keep working on me to make me nice. This morning, though, I particularly needed to spend some good time in the Word. So, thanks to the Lord, I woke up at 5 and coudn't go back to sleep...so, I had plenty of time to do some good thinking, praying and planning for my day in bed so I was ready to go by the time I finally got up. Yesterday was not such a good day over here. We started our Thursday morning bible study (it actually started the week before, but I forgot about it...) and I don't know why, but I always have a hard time starting those studies. I remember even the first one I went to, I came home and cried to Korey that I didn't know anyone and everyone else knew everyone...the second one I came home crying that I was gonna be a horrible mom and wasn't cut out to be one (it was on parenting and I was already 4 months pregnant, so it was pretty much a mute point...I was gonna be a mom whether I was ready or not!) and this time I came home crying that I was just too overwhelmed and maybe didn't have the time to do it. What it is about these studies and my tears I have no idea, but, again, thank the Lord that I have a great and very kind husband who puts up with me and pointed out to me that I'm going to be fine and I just need to get through the first few weeks and settle into a routine and once I do that I'll be fine! And, he is so right. I also need to stop trying on my own to be the best and to figure it all out! This morning I read in Romans 11 and a few verses really stood out to me along this vein. Verse 6 says, ...if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would not longer be grace. (speaking of our salvation) and verse 18 says...it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you. and verse 36 says, For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen.
I know that I, along with other people in this world, really struggle with doing it all on my own and figuring out all the problems of life and fixing them all (for myself and everyone around me) but, I need to remember that it isn't about me! It's about the Lord and about what He wants to do in my life and in others' lives, too. If I go around fixing everyone's problems then I take the Lord's place and that's not right. I need to remember that...and work on giving Him the glory, even through things that stretch me! I guess (shocking as it may sound) I can't do it all and I need God's grace to get me through each and every day, just like everyone else does. Why is it so hard to admit that I'm not perfect and that I need the Lord??? You'd think that would be one of the first things a christian grasps, but apparently it's the one thing that I'll probably struggle with for the rest of my life! Here's my new prayer (I can't remember who said it...I'll have to look for it and find out- this is a loos paraphrase of theirs anyways): Lord, give me the grace to get through today. To not worry about yesterday and what I didn't do right or tomorrow with what I might not do right. Just give me enough to get through today glorifying You. Don't give me enough for tomorrow, because then I may forget that I need You. Give me just enough that I need to keep relying on You each and every day!