so big

Yikes! these girlies are getting so big these days!

Maysen 

Maelle

Maelle is even starting to roll over instead of sleep, when I put her on the right side...so I've started putting Maysen on the right and Maelle on the left at night :)

boytime!

while Hailey was away we did "boy" play!

we looked at Daddy's big work truck!

(and waved and blew kisses at it every night before bed) 

I have a theory that boys are just born loving trucks and big machines...it might just be mine, but he sure is in love with trucks, tractors, and anything big that makes a loud noise) :) 

 we watched some "tree guys" with a big truck cut down a tree in our backyard!

 and watched, and watched and watched some more!! 

 we threw sticks for Allie

 then we helped Daddy clean up the backyard!

 we loaded lots and lots of sticks onto the trailer

 we had to get on the trailer and check all the sticks out...

 and loaded more sticks...he's such a big helper :) (and almost a cute one, too)

 Hailey came home a day early, today, because she missed her Mommy, her Daddy, May and Ellie- but, especially her little brother- Jackson!! I think she's happy to be home. And we're happy to have her here, but it was kinda special and fun to have just Jackson and the babies to play with for a few days. Even little Jack enjoyed himself and all the one on one attention- as much as he missed his sister!! 

my 3 girls

our little hailey left today to go to her aunty fysh's house for a few days and although I'm looking forward to a slightly less stressful and demanding life around here, I am gonna miss my little "entertainer". Hailey just keeps us all on our toes, running around and playing all the time that we are all almost at a loss for what to do without her! It's amazing how even at such a young age she's the glue that holds us all together! :) I'll miss our afternoon snuggles with the babies the most!!! It's such a fun thing to share with my 3 girls, while their brother sleeps! 

Hope you have tons of fun at your aunty fysh's, miss hailey, but come back soon, 'cause your momma misses you already!! 

4 months

our M&M's are 4 months old and here's a little bit of what they're up to:

sleeping through the night until at least 5, if not 7, on the really good days :)

sucking on their fingers and thumbs

nursing like little "fiends" and taking 6 ounces of milk when they take a bottle!

smiling like crazy

giggling and cooing at everyone- but especially each other and their siblings

 sitting really well in their bumbos...I've even been contemplating getting the jumperoo out

 really interacting with one another- holding hands, cooing at each other and just generally being a lot happier when together! I think this is my favorite part about having twins so far. They just really do like each other and have a calming presence for each other that is just beyond comprehension! I don't know if I will ever stop marveling at the fact that when one is crying, I can generally put the other one down by her and she immediately settles down- amazing!! 

we're all just loving this new stage with Maysen and Maelle

I still can't believe that I have been blessed with twins- how lucky can one mom get to have 4 amazing and super cute kids?! :)

Happy Saturday

This is what I saw when I came up the stairs this morning...my silly kids found some bananas and decided to get themselves breakfast! :) (and apparently pants were optional) 

 Korey made Hailey a little "bag mask" yesterday and she and Jackson had so much fun playing with it and fighting over it today!! 

 poor little Jack...his sippy cup isn't far from him today! He's not feeling well- he has a cold and a canker sore in his mouth. The poor guy is just miserable!

this is Hailey's little "nest" that I created for her next to our bed- she goes there for an hour during the afternoon and plays with one of her special rest time baskets! It's AMAZING to have a little break and she is in love with it! :) 

 me and my 3 girlies got to chill on the chair after I got done feeding them this afternoon...it was such a sweet fun time! (good thing Korey had to come in for some water or we wouldn't have gotten this great picture) :)

 this sweet face makes me smile whenever I see it! 

 my sweet girlies are gonna be 4 months old tomorrow and I'm so proud of them- they're getting to be so grown up and so big! The best thing is that they're getting so good at sleeping and have been going to be a little earlier each night. Last night they fell asleep at 7:30 and didn't get up until 6:15! I think that's pretty amazing for 4 month olds...but, it does explain the reason why they've been eating almost every 2 hours- they're still trying to get their calories in :) 

Hope you had a Happy Saturday! 

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; 

when troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up; To more than I can be.

There is no life- no life without its hunger;

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up: To more than I can be! 

A few days ago I had two "new" mom's over and when they left- they said to me, "I don't know how you do it. I'm exhausted just watching you and knowing that you have to do this all without us when we leave. You are amazing. I could never be a mom like that" and I have to admit that I was flattered and was thinking, "yeah, I am pretty amazing- I'm glad someone finally sees it!!" But, then reality set in (about 3 seconds after they left and life fell apart...) and I got sad; actually heartbroken to think that I had portrayed this view of me that wasn't true! You see, I can NOT do any of this! I can't keep my house clean, I can't keep my family fed and in clean clothes, I can't even hug and or hold all of my kids at one time! The only reason that it may seem like our family life is running well or smoothly is either a) I've lied to you and shown you a part of me that isn't true or real- a fictitious Jenni! b) God lifted me up that day and gave me more strength than I could even begin to muster up on my own! 

Yesterday, in Bible study we sang this song by Selah and as I was reduced to tears it made me think- how often have I ever let people see that it really is God's strength that lifts me up? God who makes me more than I could ever be on my own? You see, I really like to think that I have it all together- I like you all to think that I have it all together; but I don't. I am just a flawed little mommy, striving and working to love my kids, love my husband and half the time I have no idea what that even looks like! 

In fact, I realized, yesterday, that I had never; not even once invited a friend over to my house when I hadn't cleaned up; hadn't vacuumed; hadn't even put the laundry baskets in the laundry room...when one of my dearest friends came over, on the spur of the moment, and I felt that embarrassment over what my house looked like creep up I was so thankful for her, for her humbleness and graciousness to say (without words), "don't clean for my sake; don't pick up the toys, Jenni; you're fine. I love you just the way you are and I don't care what your house looks like"! It was an incredibly freeing moment and it was amazing to just sit and chat on the messy floor, amid all the clean laundry overflowing out of the baskets and the dog hair swirling around us- amazing how much deeper and more real the conversation becomes when you're not faking what your house looks like!! 

change my heart, O God...

make it ever new, change my heart, O God, may I be like You!

You are the Potter, I am the clay- mold me and make me- this is what I pray!

Motherhood is not a hobby, its a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze in the time-its what God gave you time for!

(Neil L. Anderson)

 Lord, You are so amazing. You have brought so much to pass and put so much in place from the very beginning of time. You planned it out beforehand and then you brought it to pass. Mary and Joseph had no idea that they were be in such dire straits when You blessed their life and allowed them to be the parent's to Your one and only son. What a huge blessing You gave to them, but it was frought with pain and with scariness and incredible stress. You allowed even those to be parts of your plan, Lord. Forgive me for thinking that my life should be different. That I am somehow above the pain; that I somehow am more deserving of a stress free life. Forgive me, God, for even expecting a wonderful and pain-free life. I know that the problem is that I think more highly of myself than I ought, that I think I'm somehow more deserving, more special than others- forgive me, Lord. Change my heart and my spirit. Give me a new attitude towards life and these beautiful blessings you have given to me. Help me to see them as You do- as blessings and gifts! I will do today whatever you have planned for me without complaining and arguing. I give up all my plans and purposes to Your hands. Let my day flow as You would and help me to remember that it will be fulfilled according to Your plans! 

Praying that you are allowing God to change your heart and your mind this beautiful and gorgeous day!! 

I'm not gonna lie...

sometimes the laundry has piled up for so long that I have to put the clean stuff on the freezer, for lack of baskets...

sometimes its easier not to hang out with anyone else or have anyone over

sometimes I get so lonely because I've taken the "easier road"

 sometimes I wish I could be like Hailey and just hole up in some little spot with my blankie and hide from the world...or at least from the 4 kids begging for milk! 

sometimes I let Hailey go poopy all by herself because it's easier- at the time, anyways ;)

 life isn't all cute, twin, hand holding moments where we just blissfully go through life like we're running through a field of wildflowers...

sometimes I wish it were!

 there are times when I wanna throw in the towel, when I wanna give up, times when I say, it's too much, there's too much to do, I can't get ahead so why even try!

when I wanna throw in the towel Korey starts freaking out...and panics!

there are days when getting all 4 kids bathed is all I accomplished all day 

sometimes I feel like that's enough 

sometimes I get frustrated that it has to be enough

the sunshine lifts my spirit

I get tired of always being "different" and sometimes wish I didn't have twins

I hate the fact that my belly still looks like I'm pregnant and no matter how many times I tell myself that it's ok I had twins and I should be proud of the stretchmarks, the mottled skin and the scrunchy parts of my belly that will probably never go back- I hate it! 

I hate my belly because I'm prideful and had always been proud of my skinny self...

it takes me a full 20 minutes, on a good day, to get all 4 of my kids in the car

I bribe my oldest 2 children to sit on the rug by the door with chocolate chips

I let Jackson wear pink sandals because Hailey can help him put them on and I haven't gotten to the store to buy him some boy sandals

Maelle and Maysen find their peace and quiet in the midst of all the chaos. they don't sleep in a bedroom or in a crib, they might sleep in a swing during dinner, on a floor mat during breakfast, in their pack 'n play in the middle of the basement, in their carseats outside, on a bed wherever we are

if the m & m's aren't crying too hard we just leave them wherever they are...

that makes my heart hurt!

 there are evenings when I finish feeding the girls, put them to bed and all I can think about is a shower and I leave the baskets of clean laundry that need to be folded and put away and take a 1/2 hour shower and go to bed!

I am jealous of people that get to nurse their one baby in bed, laying down

there are days when I wish and I pray and I beg that this year of tandem breastfeeding would go by quickly 

there are moments when I want it to last forever...

 there are days when I don't wanna smile, I don't wanna put on a happy face...

 there are days that looking at this smiling face changes that...

there are days when it doesn't!

sometimes I love my job as a mom, sometimes I look forward to getting up each day

sometimes I drag myself out of bed

sometimes even praying and asking God for wisdom seems like too much work

when I do pray God ALWAYS provides!

my babies are almost 4 months old and I am just finally establishing a regular quiet time routine...

that makes me sad...

it makes me giggle that I put "almost 4 months" because I can't even begin to remember how many weeks old they are! 

my life makes me laugh

I hate when people pity me

I like when people laugh with me

I love finding friends that have more kids than I do- or at least close to the same # 

both Korey and I stared and counted the kids a family had that was walking down the road as we drove past the other day (they had 6 and that made us happy) ;)

Hailey still has potty accidents... 

that drives me crazy! 

Jackson is telling me when he went potty in his diaper

the thought of potty training Jack right now scares me to death

sometimes I love my sleep and sneak in an extra 15 minutes instead of getting up and reading my Bible and praying with Korey

I spend the rest of my day feeling guilty about those "wasted" 15 minutes!

I have let satan have a stronghold in my life and make me feel guilty about too much

sometimes I don't act like I think God is big enough to take care of all my kids!

I forget that this is God's plan for my life

I forget to enjoy this plan for my life that God provided for me!! 

despite it all I LOVE this plan for my life and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. 

there's not one of my kids that I would give up 

I'm gonna publish this without reading it over, because I might want to change some of it if I don't!! :)

Jackson Ray

my little Jack-Jack is acting so grown up lately and doing so much stuff that I kinda forget how young he really is...that he's so far from 2...that he's a month younger than Hailey was when he was born...that at his age Hailey had only been walking a few months, didn't have such an advanced vocabulary and still took 2 naps a day!! Isn't that crazy?? This little man seems so much more like a little boy than Hailey seemed a little girl when he was born! In fact, I remember feeling so sad that my little baby had to grow up so quickly and was so young to bring home a little brother...that thought actually makes me laugh out loud when I have it, now!! she seems downright old compared to how young Jackson was when the girls were born!! :) A lot of that, I believe, has to do with Jack having Hailey to help him out, give him a leg up when he needs it, pull him along into her trouble or play, to hold his hand and to give him the extra motivation to grow up as quick as possible. 

 He's such a little copier of his daddy! He loves anything to do with Korey...especially his tools, his truck, and his garage! I basically have to peel Jackson out of the garage to go anywhere :) He truly has been living up to his namesake- his Grandpa Ray and his Daddy! (both of whom loved/love their garage) 

 he's such a good "carrier" and walker and runner and he even tries to jump when he sees Hailey do it! 

 ahhh...my favorite men...this picture just makes my heart happy

 he's a daredevil, he's fearless!

 but, he's adorable and so cute and cuddly- how did I get so lucky that all those things came in one sweet little package??

 Jack is such a little peanut. He's finally wearing clothes that he got for his birthday last year! Makes it nice for me, but not so nice for him...kinda wish the little guy would do some growing!! 

 maybe he's a future mailman in the making...whatever he becomes when he grows up I know he'll be good at it and do it with his whole heart, because Jack doesn't do anything half-way. He's just like his daddy...he's  all in when he does anything! :) 

I have a soft spot in my heart for this little boy and I don't know if it's because he's my only son or because he's so much like his Daddy...but, I do know that when Jackson was born I picked the verse Psalm 4:7b for him it says, "you have put more joy in my heart" and I had no idea what his personality was going to be or how much I would grow to love him, but that verse is truer today than it was the day he was born- he brings joy to my heart each and every day! 

loving it...

we have ALL been loving this incredible weather! 

It's amazing how just being able to be outside in the sunshine and warm weather really has given us a better and more "positive" outlook on life! I feel like there is a lightness in my step and a peace pervading my soul these days! :) 

On Wednesday we came home from the gym, got our stuff "ready" then I sat out on the back step and fed the girls while Hailey and Jack played on the swingset and with the few toys that I managed to get out before the girls screamed to hard! 

 When I see them playing together and helping each other out and just basically enjoying each other so much I know that this "plan" for our life is definitely the best one! I know that God's plan is always the best for our lives, but sometimes its easier to see the truth than other times. Actually, the peace pervading my soul probably has a lot more to do with feeling completely and utterly in God's will than anything else! 

I'm incredibly thankful, for all my  kids sake, that I was blessed with 4 children in 34 months. I think that they will definitely reap the benefits of being so close in age and will be thankful someday! Even if today they don't like it that mommy is feeding the babies and can't push them on the swings or play with them or get them a snack or milk! :)

 When I brought Jackson home from the hospital and his sister refused to even look his way and screamed whenever I fed him Korey and I would never have believed that they would be best friends in just 18 short months! But, thankfully, God had other plans for the two of them and did give them a great relationship and a crazy funny love for each other. God definitely blessed my children by giving them a built in best friend! On Friday we went over to a friend's house, Hailey had something happen and came upstairs crying and instead of looking for me- she looked for her brother, Jack, went and got a hug from him and then was ready to go about her business like nothing had happened. It was probably one of the sweetest things I have ever encountered and it did my heart good to see them developing such a close relationship- even at the young ages of 1 and 3! 

I am absolutely in love with these two little kids (and their two little sisters) and thank God every day that He  loved me enough to bless me with them all!