Thursday, January 17

yesterday I mourned...

There truly is a time for everything, and everything happens in it's perfect and God ordained time
Yesterday, these 2 girls...the ones I carried in my womb together, the ones I nursed, together, for almost 14 months- were done. I nursed them the night of the 15th and put them to bed, knowing that, for the first time since they were born I wouldn't wake up and nurse them. 
Yesterday was a hard day. I cried as I held them and gave them their sippies full of milk. I cried at the doctor's office when they asked if I was still nursing and if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I cried when the girls pulled at my shirt. I flat out sobbed when my husband got home from work that night and asked how the day went. It was a hard and emotionally challenging day. 
Yesterday, I mourned...
I mourned the passing of a time,
the passing of a stage in my life,
I mourned the fact that I'll never nurse another baby.
I mourned the fact that taking food for the twins would never be so easy
(I figured that out real quick, today, when I ran out of milk and had to drag all 4 kids in freezing cold weather to the grocery store for it)
I mourned the fact that this is the first time in 4 years that I hadn't been pregnant or nursing.
I mourned the fact that something that I'd fought so hard for, worked so hard for, struggled so long with was done. 
I mourned the fact that I'm done having babies. 
I mourned the fact that I'm leaving the baby stage behind forever and moving on.
It was a struggle. It was a painful and emotional thing for me to let go.
but, God is gracious and...
today is a new day.
Thankfully, today was a day of rejoicing!
Thanks to some great encouragement from some great friends we were all able to focus on the fun and the exciting things of "moving on" and growing up and we were all able to do some bigger and better things.
I made a real dinner. 
I put on real clothes.
I packed up all my nursing stuff.
I snuggled with my babies- like really, truly snuggled with them.
I rolled on the floor and wrestled with all 4 of my kids.
I loved on my 4 beautiful children.
we laughed.
we tickled.
we painted.
we did crafts.
there were no tears from this momma.
I thanked God for the gifts that He had given me.
I thanked God that I made it more weeks than I care to count past my original goal of nursing 6 weeks.
I ate my last few guilt free bites of food.
I enjoyed my day with my 4 toddlers.
oh yeah...and Maysen learned how to walk! :) 
coincidence?! maybe; maybe not...but, I took it as a gift from God! 


  1. ((HUGS)) to you! I had such a hard time when my girls weaned. I pray you continue to experience God's peace.

    1. thank you...there's still some sadness there...probably will be for a while. hard not to be sad when the milk is there :( but, I am glad that God has been gracious to me, so far.

  2. I could totally relate your post! Hang in there! I can't wait to meet your twins in person! :)

    1. I remember you saying that all to me a while ago and I didn't get it, then, but I get it, now!! I'm glad that God is good and God is in charge and that I can rest in that! I can't wait for you to meet my twins, either!! Praying for you guys!

  3. Awww...what a honest post! It is a special time, and even though, I nursed for a short period of time, I still felt like a moment I could never get back was passing. Good for you, though, for finding the positive!