looking back...

when the twins were born Jackson was 14 months old...

 now the twins are 14 months old...

I can't believe I had 2 babies when my baby was so little.

I can't believe that for 12 weeks I stressed thinking that having 1 baby 15 months after my other baby...I had no idea what I was really in for ;)

I can't believe that I would sell God so short...I spent so much of my pregnancy worrying and stressing about how I was going to handle it all and as much as I tried to rely on God I had no idea how hugely He would come through for me.

I can't believe that we made it...looking at how young Jack was and seeing how young the twins are I am in awe of the fact that we somehow survived!

I can't believe how awesome and amazing God is- just when I think we have our life figured out or planned out God throws us for a loop and asks me, again, to trust in Him!

I can't believe how amazingly perfect God's timing is! I never would have learned the lessons and been blessed like I have been in the last 14 months, had I not been so overwhelmed.

I can't imagine having another baby right now...

I'm thankful that God has given me this time to enjoy the babies I have and to allow them to be "babies" as long as they want- without having to grow up and make room for another baby!! 

surprise!!

I turn 30 next month and my sweet friends decided to surprise me with an early birthday party! It was one of the sweetest and most fun nights of my life. I couldn't even sleep when i got home...possibly from all the sugar and coffee I consumed, but I choose to believe that I was on such a huge happiness high that it took me a good portion of the night to come down from it! :) 

Unbeknownst to me, Korey was in on the plan, but he apparently forgot, because around noon he tried to convince me not to go because the weather was going to be too bad. My poor friend, Kristina, had to think quickly on her feet when I texted her and tried to change the time- luckily one of the husband's called Korey and had him changing his mind. I guess that just shows how gullible I am, because when he suggested that I put on cute clothes and get dressed up to go and have a great time I just thought I had married the best man alive and thought for sure he had just realized how desperately I needed a night out :)  (he really is the best man alive- just in case you were wondering- he not only sent me out, watched the kids, but did the laundry and cleaned up the house, too) 

The best part of the whole night was that it just kept getting better and better...all I knew was that a friend of mine invited me to go to out for coffee with her- something I was totally looking forward to- but it got better and better, as the night wore on. Erica and Amanda met us at the coffee shop and I thought that was a huge surprise and blessing, but after that we went to another restaurant, where there were more friends waiting, had appetizers and moved on to another restaurant for dinner where more friends were waiting and then moved on to my dear friend's house, where there was a beautiful cake and wonderful apple cider waiting! It was such a blessing for me and it touched my heart with all of the thoughtfulness that went into the whole night. My heart was so in need of some good girl time and it was provided in a special way, last night. If I were a crier I can guarantee that I would have been bawling my eyes out the entire night...but, since I'm not all I could do was smile and thank God for the huge blessing of such great friends. I would not have survived this last year of my life without the support, love, encouragement and helpfulness of these dear ladies. It truly should have been me taking them out as a thank you for being such blessings to my life, but instead they gave and gave some more when they chose to bless me in such a fun way!! I wish I could turn 30 every year :) 

14 month update

our m&m's are 14 months old!! 

I think I'll say it every month for the rest of this year, but YIKES! the time is going by too quickly! The girls are getting too big too fast!
Here's a little bit of what they're up to:
they're both done nursing and drinking whole milk from sippy cups
Maysen joined her sister in "stumbling" around the house on her feet
they're both in the middle of teething-
Macy has 5
Ellie has 6
Both girls weigh over 20 lbs and are forward facing in their carseats-woohoo for the little things that make my life a little easier :)
they're still climbing on everything and anything- Maelle the most, but Maysen is starting to get more and more adventurous
they're favorite "game" is to go in the bathroom and one of them holds the toilet seat up while the other one shoves toys into the toilet!
Macy loves to follow her sister and brother around the house- "bothering" them and trying to play with them
Ellie is definitely more of a momma's girl and tends to follow me around the house and stick close to my heels
They seem more and more like big kids, these days. They keep up with the older two a lot easier- it seems like whatever Hailey and Jackson do, the m&m's aren't too far behind!
Macy has even started going and getting her jacket and shoes and bringing them to me when it's time to go...so cute!

Ellie really just loves to be by her sister...even if I carry Maysen in to her bed and lay her down Maelle always follows. She's not a huge fan of sleeping, but she is a huge fan of Maysen :)
speaking of sleeping- there has been a lot more playing than sleeping in their bed, these days. I think they are ready to give up their morning nap- I'm just not quite ready to give them up! So, they still sleep for about a 1/2 hour every 3rd day :)

As they show more and more of their personality, we're starting to see how much like Hailey, Maysen is and how much like Jack, Maelle is. Macy seems to have Hailey's crazy and wild little personality and Maelle seems to have Jack's quieter and more adventurous personality...it sure will be fun to see them grow into their personalities and see if they change as they get older.
As each month goes by my little babies become less and less like babies and more and more like big kids...I think this month is just one more chink in the chain of them proving that they're not babies, anymore. sigh! I guess it is easier to see them grow up and get bigger since they seem to get more adorable and cute as they grow!! :) 

forever changed

There's something special and sweet about my firstborn. All of my children changed me, but my entire world was rocked and I was never the same after Hailey came into it. The minute she was born Korey and I became parent's. We have never been the same since. We went from focusing on each other, our house, our dog- to sharing the focus of our precious daughter. Those first few moments home, when we knew that we, us alone, were fully responsible for this precious life, were so scary and stressful. I remember looking at her, in those first few moments and panicing, fearing that I would somehow screw this up; I would screw up parenting and forever ruin this precious life granted to me.I think that there is something special about a firstborn child and, for me, part of her special-ness is that she taught me to trust in God. I knew that I needed God's help to raise her and I needed God's help to not screw it up. Until my precious firstborn came into my life, I didn't realize how much I needed God and His Word in my life! She started something in my life that I'll be eternally grateful to her for- she started my deepening dependence upon God. God used her to prepare me for parenting all 4 of my kids. She was (and still is) such an energetic ball of fun that she prepared me, energy wise, for the twins and Jack, but mostly, the wait for her and the eventual bringing her home taught me that I couldn't do this parenting thing on my own- a realization that came in very handy when I brought home the rest of my children! It's easier now to know that I can't do it on my own and to trust in God each and every day, because it's so obvious, but God started that work in my life that first day that I brought my precious firstborn home from the hospital- took her out of her carseat and looked at her precious face. This girl will always be special to me, because she changed me so much for the better!!

my big birthday girl

I love this sweet crazy wild girl!

she loves to have fun. loves to laugh. loves to dance. loves to make us laugh. loves attention. she's cheerful. she's funny. she's a great leader (and manipulator, but I think those two go hand in hand). she's a huge helper. she loves to take care of the babies. she loves pink and frilly dresses. she never tires of being the center of attention. she is never done having fun! The theme of her birthday was "pink, pink, pink" but it very well could have been "fun, fun, fun"!!  

now

and then...

The day Hailey was born will forever be a highlight of my life. Probably one of the happiest days I've ever had. Even her labor was special and different from the other 2. The minute I felt that little girls head as she crowned I fell in love with her and that love has not waned for one minute, since then. We made it through months of incessant crying, years of toddler sized tantrums, and weeks of potty accidents- all to be at the place we are, now- celebrating my precious first born's 4th birthday! 

I asked her some interview questions and here are her answers:

what's your favorite-

color- pink

animal- zebra

book- pinkalicious

tv show- mermaid

movie- dora christmas

song- my very own fuba hoop song

drink- pink lemonade

dinner- tacos

snack- crackers

clothes- dresses

game- cinderella matching

toy- mermaid princess

thing to do- play with my friends

thing to do outside- swing with my friends

place to go- coffee shop

restaurant- mcdonalds

experience- asking Jesus into my heart

who's your best friend- elianna and jayda

what do you like to sleep with- new kitty and pink puppy

what do you want to be when you grow up- mermaid

what makes you happy- friends

what makes you sad- my friends leaving

this girl cracks me up...I love her answers and can't help but smile when I read them! 

Happy Birthday, sweet cheerful princess! I love you to pieces. 

It's a birthday party!

 Hailey's gonna be 4 on Tuesday, so we had a little family party for her on Saturday! The theme was "pink, pink, pink" and she loved every minute of it! The cake was beautiful, the snacks were yummy and we all had a good time. :) Hailey may have spent most of the morning waiting for everyone to come and I think her favorite part was opening the presents! (Jack, of course, couldn't wait for birthday cake) :) 

If a fun birthday party with all of her favorite people wasn't awesome enough- after we put the babies and Jack down for a nap we headed out shopping for a little flower girl dress!! I think she loved every minute of that, as well! Only her mommy was mortified that she hadn't worn any underwear that day...

she twirled and smiled and giggled and laughed...I think she was born to be a princess! 

all this fun is more and more evidence that my baby girl is truly growing up! I can't believe how big she is, now. I think I'm in denial...the time has just flown by so quickly- too quickly!! 

yesterday I mourned...

There truly is a time for everything, and everything happens in it's perfect and God ordained time

Yesterday, these 2 girls...the ones I carried in my womb together, the ones I nursed, together, for almost 14 months- were done. I nursed them the night of the 15th and put them to bed, knowing that, for the first time since they were born I wouldn't wake up and nurse them. 

Yesterday was a hard day. I cried as I held them and gave them their sippies full of milk. I cried at the doctor's office when they asked if I was still nursing and if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I cried when the girls pulled at my shirt. I flat out sobbed when my husband got home from work that night and asked how the day went. It was a hard and emotionally challenging day. 

Yesterday, I mourned...

I mourned the passing of a time,

the passing of a stage in my life,

I mourned the fact that I'll never nurse another baby.

I mourned the fact that taking food for the twins would never be so easy
(I figured that out real quick, today, when I ran out of milk and had to drag all 4 kids in freezing cold weather to the grocery store for it)

I mourned the fact that this is the first time in 4 years that I hadn't been pregnant or nursing.

I mourned the fact that something that I'd fought so hard for, worked so hard for, struggled so long with was done. 

I mourned the fact that I'm done having babies. 

I mourned the fact that I'm leaving the baby stage behind forever and moving on.

It was a struggle. It was a painful and emotional thing for me to let go.

but, God is gracious and...

today is a new day.

Thankfully, today was a day of rejoicing!

Thanks to some great encouragement from some great friends we were all able to focus on the fun and the exciting things of "moving on" and growing up and we were all able to do some bigger and better things.

I made a real dinner. 

I put on real clothes.

I packed up all my nursing stuff.

I snuggled with my babies- like really, truly snuggled with them.

I rolled on the floor and wrestled with all 4 of my kids.
I loved on my 4 beautiful children.

we laughed.

we tickled.

we painted.

we did crafts.
there were no tears from this momma.
I thanked God for the gifts that He had given me.
I thanked God that I made it more weeks than I care to count past my original goal of nursing 6 weeks.
I ate my last few guilt free bites of food.

I enjoyed my day with my 4 toddlers.

oh yeah...and Maysen learned how to walk! :) 

coincidence?! maybe; maybe not...but, I took it as a gift from God! 

my boy

you can tell I used to be a "stunt girl" in highschool...you can tell that my son weighs next to nothing...you can tell that he is fearless and will try anything

you can tell all this because I taught him to do this trick and he loves it!! 

he's constantly begging to do his trick for everyone we meet :) 

my boy says the funniest stuff- here's some of the latest:

as answer to his sister saying hi to him, "I am super Jack, say HI to super Jack, not just Jack"

in answer to me telling him if he got out of bed again his daddy would have to come in and discipline him, "that not be good for anybody. not good for clifford, not good for Jack, not good for daddy, not good for tigger, not good for anybody. I stay in bed"

"I wanna buy Hailey a fairy, because it has wings and is so pretty and Hailey so pretty and like to wear wings"
"mommy, I'm not scared anymore" why, Jack "because Jesus is holding my hand"
"are the deer gonna come and eat us when all the grass is gone"?
"I smell a poopy diaper- that's gross"
"get these babies away from me. they're wrecking stuff"
"look, my poop, green, that my favorite color"
"momma, you get Jesus out of my heart- He squishing my tummy"
"if God in heaven- where santa"
"when I bigger then I get play ponies with Hailey?"
"I wanna be a daddy and a mommy when I bigger- I be a worker and have a baby in my tummy" ;)

"you marry me momma?" "no, Jack, I already am married to daddy" "when Daddy gone, then you marry me" -ahhh, I just love this kid!

wild thing

"you make my heart sing...wild thing, I think I love you"

we love our little twinnies...but, they have become absolutely crazy these days. They're always doing something crazy and wild. Here are just a few cutesy stories: 

we had let them down from their highchairs, while the rest of us finished up supper, when all of the sudden Maelle's little head poked up over the table- she had crawled up the chair- just to check things out! 

Today, Korey was sitting on the couch and all the sudden Maelle climbed up on the coffee table and just stood there- staring at him! 

Maelle is always doing things to be funny, she often tries to do a somersault and its hilarious, she never manages to flip herself over, but she loves to look upside down between her legs and giggle at the rest of us. 

Maysen decided to climb in the cart, while Maelle pushed her around (ok, she may have had a little help with this one...daddy...)

we all love to wrestle and play "get me" downstairs and Maysen is finally getting the hang of it. Hailey and Jackson had pinned Korey down and Maysen came right on over and very carefully sat on his head!

Maysen's new favorite way to crawl around the house is with her head on the ground- it's also Maelle's favorite way to see her crawl- she laughs and laughs at her. 

Hailey's figured out how to get an audience- she gets the m&m's to go in Jack's room, helps them crawl up on the bed and then she puts on a show of dancing and singing and they sit on his bed and clap for her. 

Maysen climbed into this tote and Maelle thought it looked fun, so she decided to join her...aren't they precious?! I'm thinking we're gonna store them in it more often! 

these girls are some crazy wild kind of fun!! They keep us all laughing, all the time!! Life doesn't really get much better than laughing and giggling with and at these precious little things all day long. 

you can give...

a kid some mittens, but they'll insist on taking them off...

a girl a bed, but she'll insist on sleeping on the floor by the dog...

a baby a whole house to play in, but she'll continually make a bee-line for the mudroom, the coldest and dirtiest room in the house...

babies a whole array of yummy food, but they'll still stuff their faces with dog food, at any given chance

so, why try, right?! :) we've just given in and started putting the twins in the mudroom to play,

feeding them out of dog dishes on the floor,

taken Hailey's bed away and letting her sleep on the floor, 

and not using mittens anymore...

ok, just kidding- 

we're still making them wear mittens...

we're the 4th showing in a week, tonight, and I'm ready to loose my mind! I'm exhausted, wore out and very tired of keeping my house extremely clean!! I haven't changed our sheets or given anyone a bath in so long, because they seem to take a backseat to all the other cleaning you have to do when someone's coming over to look over your house with a fine tooth comb! I never realized how stressful this would be, how much work it would be and how cranky I would get at my kids for getting a toy out...and, I don't like it one bit! I just want this to be over with...ugh! 

adventures

more and more adventures=more and more time in the pack 'n play :) 

ok, we don't really just put the twins in the pack 'n play all the time (even though they do sleep in it, so they spend a great deal of time there) we just put them in there when we're trying to get the house ready for a showing! Can you imagine trying to clean while these little buggers go behind you and take it all apart?? 

how on earth to get peace on earth...

"Great peace have those who love your law and nothing causes them to stumble" Psalm 119:165

In an effort to bring some peace into our home we've been trying to implement some new things around here, some have been working and going well and some we have scrapped all together...

#1- Bible reading! I've been taking my kids entire nap/rest time to just study and pray and sit and drink my coffee or tea. I've been really desperately trying not do work or get distracted by the computer. (hence, not as much blogging getting done, as of late) I'm still meeting with some friends every other Monday night for a marriage study and I've started a new Bible study with a friend of mine- just the 2 of us working through a book and studying the Bible together. Both of these have been good for me and have been helping me get into the Word more and more.

#2- Scheduling...I'm not a scheduled person. I very much dislike schedules, but, in an effort to be more productive and get more done without more stress I've been trying to implement schedules around the house more. The problem with scheduling, for me at least, is that I tend to become a slave to the schedule and then get irritated if my schedule gets screwed up. So, this one has been a little come and go...I've been working on allowing for a plan B, but making sure I have a plan A. Funny story about this one- I'm probably the only girl in the world who has "yelled" at their husband about doing laundry because he started a load on Sunday when I was planning on doing it on Monday ;) (it might have had more to do with the fact that I was irritated at Jackson because he peed on the floor and took it out on Korey and the laundry, but, regardless, I still got mad at him for doing laundry- silly, silly girl- good thing he has a great sense of humor and has been teasing me and asking if it's laundry day every day since then) ;) 

#3- lists...is something we've just scrapped all together. I've come to realize that I'm not a procrastinator. I can't stand having stuff hanging over my head. It drives me crazy and to me a "to do" list is just that- something hanging over my head. It was turning me into psycho mom, even without trying. Everytime I would make a list for the week, or the day, I felt like it was something I had to do right then, immediately and if I didn't I felt like I failed or like I was failing if I didn't do it...so, I just scrapped the idea and decided that if something needs to get done I'll just either have to remember or it wasn't that important in the first place :)

#4- calendar...I've always had one, but now I've been trying to write more down, consult it more often and "live or die" by what's written in there- including menus. I'd gotten sort of lazy about my menu- I'd been making one and shopping off of it, but I hadn't really been sticking to it, but I decided to start making what's on my menu- even when Korey's not coming home. He's not such a huge food person, but I am and I was getting rather sick of having pancakes, eggs, and pb&j for dinner every night that he was working! Plus, then it's hard to have leftovers on hand for him when he comes home hungry- so, we've started doing more cooking and more planning of my days and weeks.

#5-staying home...along those same lines of "living and dying" by my calendar is the fact that I've stopped planning a lot each week. I've realized that I can handle doing stuff about 2 days a week and the rest of those days I really need to be home with my kids. It's good for all of us to be at home and spending time together-working on discipline, making meals, cleaning the house, staying on top of the laundry and keeping on a schedule is all easier when you're home! 

aren't these kids cute??!! They're so worth trying to implement peace in my home and striving towards creating a more peaceful environment :) 

little sprites

my little sprites seem to be learning new things every day!

Macy's been getting better and better at her small motor skills...building with bocks, putting glasses and necklaces on and off, putting little people in and cars and trucks and zooming them all over the place, saying mama and dada and hi. It's been fun to watch her learn new tricks and I love to hear her say "hi dada"!

Ellie's also been learning some new tricks...hers are mostly climbing and doing kind of tricks...she's the smallest of my little sprites and she's so darn cute walking all over our house! I can't get over how adorable it is to turn around and see her gingerly stepping around our house. The other adorable thing she's learning to do is climb...I swear every time I turn around this little sprite is on top of a chair, a stool, the table or the counter! I don't think there's anywhere this little one can't go! She's also saying mama and dada...super cute!

I love this picture of them napping together. I'm so happy that our girls love to sleep together, I think that's one of the best parts of having twins-seeing this when I go to check on them...that, and knowing that they have each other and find comfort in each other- it makes my heart happy!!

both girls are getting so good at going up and down the stairs these days- it's crazy! The good thing is that it's easier on me not to carry them both all the time...the bad thing is that they're fast and they can get up the stairs in no time, so I spend more and more time chasing after them! (or I just let them go upstairs and play by themselves...but, don't tell anyone) ;) 

sippy cups...

are very prevalent at our house these days...

I had started "weaning" Hailey off of them and into using a big girl cup, but realized that I can't handle the stress of  cleaning up spills constantly. So, she's back to using a sippy cup :) maybe by the time she's 10 she'll be done with the sippy cups!

I've also started giving Maysen and Maelle more milk in sippy cups- with a plan to start weaning them. I'm going away for 2 weekends in February, so I don't know how my milk will hold up to being gone and I don't know how the girls will do with it while I'm gone, so I'm trying to get them used to the cups and used to not nursing as much...it's a little rough on all of us, but we're not too gung-ho about it, so we're doing ok. It's just hard on me- knowing that there's an end in sight. I think I'm feeling a little sad about not having a baby in the house, now that the twins are doing a little more walking, a little more babbling, a little less nursing and moving to forward facing carseats! Korey's very thankful that we already made the decision or I'd probably weasel another baby(or two) out of him ;) I know that there always will be an end- even if I had 19 children- and that end would, most likely, always be a little sad. I think that's why mom's of older chidren always have a little "softness" towards the younger years and are always telling us mom's of younger ones to cherish these times- I think they just miss their babies :)  

Macy likes her milk a little better than Maelle...Maelle always has been more of a die hard nurser. Korey always had to give her her bottle, when she was younger, because she never would even take one from me...I think they have a special little bond because of that!

the good news is that the older the girls get the longer and more fun their hair gets...I don't have much time to do it, but on those days that they just wanna sit on my lap and snuggle I've been trying fun and new stuff with their hair :)