Monday, April 9

is it ok??

for a mom to admit that she's weary? 
to say that as much as I love these beautiful children I wish I could throw in the towel?'d better be, because here it goes:
I'm tired!
Not just from not getting enough sleep (although there's that, too) but a deep, down to the bone weary. I knew that the first few months of Maysen and Maelle's life were going to be difficult, but I never thought far enough ahead to realize that it's not going to get much better as time goes by! Our schedule is better, the M&M's are starting to sleep more and play more, Jack and Hailey are playing together well and it seems like our days are developing a sense of "normalcy"...but, that's the part that's depressing- our normal is anything but normal and that makes me sad!! Just living life takes so much time and effort and work...even as I write this I am realizing how self-centered and whiney this sounds! I'm not the only mom in the world with a lot going on or the only one who's just slogging through life and just trying to eek out a few moments of peace-  I have a friend who's a single mom and is balancing work and school and a 3 year old- is her life easy?? I have a friend who has 3 kids and 1 with cerebal palsey- is her life easy?? I have friends who are homeschooling and have babies at home- is their life easy?? I have a friend who's having a rough pregnancy, battling sickness, and has 3 kids to take care of- is her life easy?? I have friends who just had their first baby and are trying to figure it all out- is their life easy??  The answer is NO. Life isn't easy and I know that I have no corner on that market, but I guess I won't edit this so you'll pray for me! At this exact moment all 4 of my kids are sleeping and I even fell asleep while rubbing Hailey's back, so I feel a little refreshed, but the wind is blowing, the trees are swaying and Korey's on call- so, I'm guessing I'm gonna be on my own for the rest of the night- and I know that the weariness will come back! I need God's grace in abundance just to make it through the rest of this day! 

If you have the time and the energy- pray for me and these sweet little kiddos today! I love them more than my life and I just wanna be the best mom that I can be for them! 

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