there are days where this "ship" runs fairly smoothly and things tend to go as planned and we don't have too many hiccups in our day...those are the days that I can handle! And, yesterday was not one of those days. Jackson has been a little "orny" and out of sorts for the past few days- I think that he's getting his 2 year molars in and it hadn't been too awful, because it seemed as if Hailey had picked up the slack and was helping out so much and being such a great joy that she sort of off set his crankiness. But, yesterday, Maysen and Maelle were out of sorts, too. They didn't nap when they were supposed to, they didn't eat when they were supposed to...they didn't really do anything that they were supposed to do! It definitely reminded me that life here is hanging by a very fragile thread...there's not much between chaos and life and it seems like just as I get comfortable in life and start to think that we have some sort of a routine going on- someone or something throws a wrench in it and we're back to our survival mode, again! Let me just be completely honest- I HATE SURVIVAL MODE!! I just want life to work smoothly, for things to run well, to feel like I have even a semblance of life together...I hate the feeling of not being in control of being surrounded by chaos (it doesn't help that often the chaos is the result of 3 or 4 kids crying at once) of feeling out of sorts, myself. That is not a place I like to be or want to be. My phone died so I didn't know that Korey was going to work a little late yesterday, but when he finally walked in the door I just felt my entire body relax, my heart felt a peace that hadn't been there all day and I just felt like all was right in my life, again! I know that's a lot of pressure to put on a guy- to be the rock in his wife's life, to be the one to bring a semblance of order and peace to a household, but Korey carries that mantle well. He knew that I'd been having a rough day and he, Hailey, and Jackson went outside and played and worked until it was dinnertime and he knew that was just what I needed- a little bit of a break, a little bit of time to just hold and focus on my crying babies and get dinner done. He's a great man like that!!
Before my girls were born I found a bunch of verses that dealt with God giving us strength to do things and Him being our Rock and I placed them all over my house...this is the best thing that I did before the girls were born to prepare me for now! I do get a chance to read my Bible almost everyday, but, well, I don't know how the rest of you are, but I often get up from the table or the couch or the chair and I forget what I read or I get busy or distracted and it doesn't seem to stick there...but, with these verses around I see them all the time and by God's grace they seem to stick out to me when I need them the most. One of my favorite is, "when my heart is overwhelmed- lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I" Psalm 61:2b and that is the one that I clung to yesterday...recited it over and over to myself as I bounced babies, clung to it as I hid in the bathroom and tried to collect myself, sang it to Hailey so she could dance around the living room as I held the other three crying babies and basically just made it the "mantra" for our day yesterday! I can only imagine what my heart, mind and soul would have been like without it- it was frazzled enough with the hope and peace of God trying to permeate it! :)
Just in case you think my whole day is sad and hopeless, let me leave you with these two little antics of my oldest children:
Jackson climbed up on the coffee table, as I was feeding the girls and went "jump, momma, jump" I said, "no" but...in typical Jackson fashion he didn't listen and jumped- aiming for the big ottoman...however, also in typical Jackson fashion- he missed and apparently hit his little man part, because he got up screaming his head off and grabbing himself and just gave me this horrified look. I had to try to hold back my giggles as he came running over and climbed on top of the girls just to get a hug and kiss from his momma! (too bad he didn't learn his lesson, though, and was up on the coffee table, again, a feeding later) ;)
Our neighbor went to a garage sale and picked up a bunch of clothes for Hailey, so she and I went through them after the littles were in bed and she had such a grand time looking at all the dresses, but the best was when she put on a blue one with flowers and said, "momma- you think Daddy like this dress and wanna take me on a special date- just like you when I wear this??" I'm so glad that this little girl loves her Daddy and I hope she never looses that! Actually, Hailey has been an absolute joy the last few days- not trying and testing and pushing boundaries like last week and it has been an incredible blessing. She has been a big help with all the kiddos and really enjoyed doing some little crafts with me in the afternoons and helping me make cookies or clean the bathroom or even fold clothes. We've just had the best time together!!