Bad Mom?

Today I learned something new about myself...I finally realized that I am a bad Mom. Now, before you rush to my defense(which is what I would hope most of you would do :)) let me explain. I don't think I'm a bad mom in the sense that I leave my baby in a hot car for hours, or I don't feed her(although, I have forgotten a time or two...luckily not more than a few minutes or hours- her crying usually tips me off!!), or I let her wear a poopy diaper all day long(all night long doesn't count, does it??). But, I have come to realize that to a Mom, it doesn't matter how awful the occasion, all it takes for you to feel like a bad Mom is a few tears and a little dose of guilt.

Case in point- I cut Hailey's fingernails the other night, and instead of being the ultra-observant Mom that I know I should be when I'm cutting her nails I was talking to Korey and watching tv and I got her little finger in there! Now, it's not like I cut the tip off or anything, but there was blood and she got all quiet then put her head back and let out the biggest scream, followed by a few minutes of blood curdling cries. It was enough to make even the most cold hearted of mothers quiver and beg for forgiveness! So, here I am crying along with my 3 month old, saying I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry...mommy didn't mean it...I'm so sorry. (This went on for a good 5 minutes) I'm not sure if it really hurt her that much or if I was so upset that she was upset, but it was an awful revelation to finally realize that I do have the capability to really hurt my baby girl!

And, just in case cutting my child's finger wasn't enough to make me feel like an awful Mom I cut Hailey's neck, today, too!! I was trying to get her sweatshirt adjusted before I fed her(as if I really needed her clothes to be "perfect" before she could eat, but it just bothers me when her little shirts are up around her armpits...kind of slightly overboard, but I can't help it!) and I didn't realize that the zipper was kind of "stuck" in the folds of her neck(I guess we'll have to put her on a diet soon- she's already loosing things in her rolls!! ;)). So, I went to pull the sweatshirt down and somehow I cut her little neck. It was awful. I've never felt worse...here I was doing something that had no significance in life whatsoever and was not in the least bit important and to top it all off- I hurt Hailey in the process! I'd like to say that I learned my lesson and that I'll only focus on the things that are important from here on out, but I don't know if I can promise that, even to myself. Hailey's just too small and there's so much of her life left that I'm sure I'll find myself smacking her with a brush for wiggling while I'm trying to do her hair for a picture or putting her in a cute little dress and making her stay out of the dirt just because she looks cute or even (god forbid :)) making her sleep with little curlers in her hair just so she can have little curls the next day. And, I'm sure the list will go on and on...Hailey might even be able to add some stuff of her own someday! But, I did pray today that God would help me to be a Mom who can focus on the main things and a Mom who remembers to make the main things the main things!