too much?!

over sharing is something that I definitely struggle with. I never know what to share; how much to share; what not to share; how much to keep between myself and God; what is being "honest" and truthful; what is telling too much. I never want anyone to look at my life and see a perfect mom or a super mom. I never want anyone to think that they can't share their struggles with me because I don't seem to have any. I want to be honest and real enough that people know I'm not perfect; that I don't have it all together. But, I don't want to over share. I don't want to feel like I have to tell people everything and get their opinions on everything. There are certain times in my life that I know I should keep quiet. It's only me and my fear of what people are thinking about me or possibly even (gasp) judging me for certain things that makes me feel like I need to justify myself to them. And, that's, generally, where I over share. I over share my reasoning behind things. I over share my feelings on things. I over share my thought processes. 

It's amazing how being a mom of 4 crazy and wild children can leave me feeling lonely at times. It often happens at Bible study or in my conversations with a friend that I tend towards over sharing, because it's there- in that vulnerable place that I want someone to "get it" someone to understand without judging. But, I've been realizing that it's there, in that vulnerable place; the place where I'm at my most exhausted that God is calling and asking me to trust in Him and not care what other's thoughts and feelings are towards me. It's hard for me to get to that place- that place where I don't care; where I can just be who God called me to be without fear of what another mom or wife thinks of me. I'm hoping that as I grow in the Lord it will get easier- does it, my older and wiser friends?? 

A verse in Proverbs that has begun to change my heart and my life, lately, is, "each heart knows its own bitterness; and no one else can share its joy" (14:10) In his commentary on Proverbs Charles Bridges says, "no two of us are framed a like. ... Each therefore must in a measure tread a solitary path, and in that path often submit to be misunderstood" 

I think this thought changed my life because I never even considered before that I would be misunderstood...and that it was ok! what a novel thought, huh?! Even more crazy is the thought that perhaps I have misunderstood others. That is a very humbling thought. 

I think that is why my children are so encouraging and so wonderful for my heart...they remind me, daily and sometimes by the minute, that only God can know my heart. They bring me to my knees continually. And, when I'm down on my knees I'm not worrying about anyone else. I'm not focused on what other's are doing or thinking. I'm focusing on God and Him being the source of my peace and wisdom.