that's right...I'm giving up.
I'm letting myself go.
I'm getting off the wheel.
This month I have found the most peace in just letting go.
For months I've been trying to find the right balance between being scheduled and being relaxed, planning and organizing and letting go and if there's anything I've learned from packing, moving, un-packing, repacking and moving and un-packing and finally settling in- is that I need to let more go! I thought I had gotten to the bottom- the the place where I held nothing dear, anymore, but I was still feeling such stress over the house, stress over the toys, stress over the kid's behavior, stress over groceries (or lack there of, in the house), stress over meals that were planned that went awry...I just needed to give that all up.
We've been a little busy over here, lately. We moved in and did painting and organizing for a week- then moved the rest of our stuff, had a few days to settle in and then Korey started working A LOT, then the babies got sick, then they started cutting teeth...but the greatest thing was- I wasn't stressed in my heart. My heart was at peace and that felt/feels great!!
It's been wonderful to just give up; to not stress and worry about the boxes; to weed when I can/what I can; to play outside in the nice weather- I even have been folding my laundry outside so I can take advantage of the weather and get my "work" done(it also helps keep the house cleaner when you're outside more); to let the kids get dirty and messy and just not care(and keeping all the mess in our huge mudroom); to let Macy peel the wallpaper off the walls without getting upset(I pretty much hate the wallpaper border, too); to let the kids ride their bikes outside- all by themselves without worrying about where they are(1 super huge advantage to not living by anything and having a long driveway); to read my Bible when I have a few spare minutes- but not to stress about not having enough time;enjoying baby snuggles whenever I can- even if it is the middle of the night or when they're supposed to be napping.
I've been working hard on my attitude- having an attitude of thankfulness and graciousness- regardless of the circumstances and it has been helping! (it also probably helps that this house is just soooo much better and bigger and nicer than the shoebox we were living in for the past few months, so thankfulness and grattitude come more easily, now)
I still miss Korey; I really want our house to be "put together"; I'd love for my kiddos to not be crabby and to sleep better- I definitely miss my sleep...but, I don't feel the same deep down wearying exhaustion that I've felt some months/weeks and for that I'm sincerely thankful. I know that it is just God who has been gracious to me. I know that it is just God who has blessed me with a new home that brings such peace and that the kids and I can enjoy so much!
this month I'm linking up with Melanie at only a breath :)