Friday, October 1

what a difference...

a month makes!
Jackson has been here a whole month, now, and in the shower this afternoon I was thinking about how big of a difference the month has made in our household! When we first brought Jackson home, neither Hailey, nor I were really sure what to do about all the change...we both had a pretty rough go of it at first. It was hard for me, because when Hailey was born I only had one child to love, one little person to bond to, but with Jackson it was different. Even though I spent 9 months carrying him and "bonding" with him, it took me almost 2 weeks to really feel like he was mine, luckily a month has definitely been long enough for me to come to terms with having another baby and to create an inseparable bond with my little man!
Hailey had a hard time because she wasn't sure what to do about the fact that she was no longer the only baby in the house and more importantly- momma's lap wasn't open to her 24/7, anymore! But, she also, has done remarkably well- she now enjoys playing with him and dressing her dolls up in his clothes and diapers and putting them in his bouncy seat!
(the one on the left is her the day we brought him home- she wouldn't even look at him; and the one on the right is her and her dolly playing, dressed in his clothes, and playing in his bouncy seat)
When Hailey was born we had a verse for her and so, when Jackson was born I found a verse for is Psalm 4:7a, "you have put more joy in my heart" And that verse is perfect for him and exactly what God has done for me through him- put more joy in my heart! Sometimes joy comes through sweet little packages and sometimes it comes through trials, but however it comes it is the sweetness of knowing that we are fully submitted to God that makes it true joy. And, that is what Jackson has been this month- he has been a sweet package that has shown me the "ugliness" of my own heart and the "ugliness" of Hailey's heart. Both of us want life to be on our terms, not on God's terms, but that is what he's used this past month to refine and change in us! God has really shown me some of the "idols" that I have been holding onto- the idol of wanting to have it all together- having two wonderfullly well behaved kids, a house that is always clean, a dog that doesn't bark at neighbors or the mailman, and not crying at the drop of a hat. But, all of those have characterized this past month...I'm pretty sure I have spent more time crying this past month than ever before in my adult life and I have found that I just can't have it all together- in fact, I can't really have much together and parent these two kiddos. But, that's just it- I don't have to have it all together, because God hasn't called me to have a clean house, to have well behaved children, to have a "perfect" life- He has called me to be a woman who follows after Him and submits herself and her family to following Him and His will! And, that is just what I have been doing in the last week and hope to continue doing, because it is a much better place to be- it is a freeing place to be! So, if you happen to come over, you may not find all the toys picked up and you probably will find more dog hair on the floor than usual, but hopefully you will find a happier and more contented momma and babies!
I know that both Hailey and I have a long ways to go, but I thank God that He has started this work and that He is faithful to complete!

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