I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

It is easy for me to remember that this baby growing in my belly is a wonderful creation of God, created by Him and for Him. I can even think and wonder at the reality that this child was created by God purposefully and given a certain set of characteristics- before even I knew or thought about him (or her)- God knew!! But, it is a lot harder for me to think that this same reality and depth of love applies to me! It is so much easier to be mindful of God's love towards my children- because I love them and think that they are that wonderful and that God did a great job in forming them! On the other hand, it's so easy to think that God didn't do such a hot shot job in creating and forming me- that maybe He made a mistake and He ran out of all the good personalities and all the cute faces, or the really wonderful and low metabolisms, so He just gave me the leftovers! But, that is not true! That is a lie that Satan uses to attack us as believers- but especially as women! He wants us to think that God didn't purpose our lives beforehand, that He doesn't care what is going on inside of us or what is happening in our day to day lives- but HE DOES!! Psalm 139:16 says (this is a sort of Jenni paraphrase) that God saw me and loved me before I was even a baby- He created and planned for each one of my days, before even I took a breath. My life plan was not my own to create, because God has already done that- He created me with a perfect set of personality traits, knowing what I would come up against in my life- nothing was an accident or a failure on His part! Isn't that a great promise from Him?? I am in the process of reading the book, "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow and she had a whole chapter devoted to this thought. I was supposed to be doing this book as a bible study with some of the women from my neighborhood, but it does not seem to be panning out. It seems like everytime we meet something comes up and one person after another can't make it! And, today, was a rather depressing day for me-when, again, no one showed up! It is so easy for my "negativeness" to kick in and say- just quit, it doesn't matter...no one's going to show up, anymore...just give up!! Then it turns to- maybe it's you...maybe there's something about you that they don't like...you're not a good teacher...you didn't make treats last time...and on and on! But, thankfully, God kept bringing me back to these verses in Psalms and the fact that He created me and made me perfect for His good works. Now, I can't make someone come to a bible study- I can't even make them think that it is important enough to make it a priority- all I can do is be faithful to the call that I feel God put on my heart and keep opening my house to these women and keep plugging along at this study! I have no idea what God's plan and purpose for this bible study is- anymore than I know what God's plan and purpose for my newest child's life is, but I do know that God has one and if nothing else He is growing and maturing me into a woman who is developing a calm and less-anxious heart! (plus, it's always nice to have a good excuse to clean your house on a Wednesday!) :) And, I do know that I will keep praying for my dear bible study ladies!