a mommy's heart

If you would have talked to me before Hailey started school 2 weeks ago I would have said something like, "I'm sad, but I know she'll do great, she'll love it and I'm not worried about that part"

One would think that after 4 1/2 years of being a mom I would know better than to say silly things like that. It seems like the minute I say I'm not worried about something it immediately becomes something I worry about...

If you would have talked to me after Hailey's first day of school I would have burst into tears and said something like, 

"It's just heartbreaking to see my baby struggle. she hasn't slept through the night since her first day of school and every night she wakes up saying, "I just don't want to go to school, please can I just stay home with you" and it breaks my heart to take her knowing she is having a hard time"

Yesterday I left the kiddos at our neighbor's house and went to school to pick up Hailey, alone, so that I could talk to her teacher. I was worried about her. I was really struggling, wondering if we were doing the right thing with her. I was heartbroken, thinking that my little girl wasn't thriving. You see, the smiling picture is what Hailey looked like on her first day of school...the sad, tired picture is the girl I've been living with for 2 weeks- definitely not even close.

I'm not sure what I learned from Hailey's teacher was really what I wanted to hear, but it definitely was what I needed to hear...

Hailey's teacher is a sweet older lady and when I asked her this was her response, "well, she's quiet, which I'm sure you know, but I think she's making some good progress. She does great with all the crafts and she seems to do a lot of watching and observing. I think she's been too scared to talk to anybody, but today she talked to me for the first time, so I'd say that's great progress" I almost laughed. I had NO idea that Hailey would be quiet at school. I would have never pegged her for the introvert in our family or to be the one too scared to talk to her teacher for 2 weeks, but apparently I was wrong. I never realized that she was an introvert at heart. I never realized how hard change would be on her. I never realized that she would be so scared away from home. I should have known, but I didn't. I'm not entirely sure what I would have done differently had I realized school would be hard on her, but I'm so thankful that I can trust in God's grace in picking up my slack. And, I'm thankful that I can trust God to keep me reliant on Him and can trust that God's plan is always the right plan. I don't think that life is always going to be easy or that my kids will have an easy time dealing with it, but I do know that I can trust the God who created them as unique little individuals to know what best way to grow and mature them.

And, I think her teacher is right- I think she is making progress. Last night she slept through the night and this morning she slept in. I guess it's the little things that helps a mommy's heart feel better :)