who has blessed me above and beyond my wildest dreams
Thursday, February 14
A few days ago a friend asked how my quest for peace was going...and...well...let's just say it could be better. Korey's been working a lot getting our rental house ready, we sold our house and are packing up all our belongings to move into a storage garage until we can move into our new house, the twins are both cutting teeth and both learned how to run, Jack's been throwing a lot of tantrums and fits, we signed Hailey up for 4K, I've been fighting off one cold after another...and all of these things seem small, but have been adding up to one exhausting, irritating, and emotionally stretching month. But, on a happier and lighter note I feel like I may be making some slight progress in the peace department. I say slight in the slightest sense of the word...and I say it prayerfully and hopefully that I won't have the worst, most un-peaceful day of my life tomorrow! :) My verse, "Great peace have those who love your law and nothing causes them to stumble" Psalm 119:165 has really been defining my month. I feel as if instead of just getting on a crazy cycle and letting it define my whole day and all my emotions and just letting the panic creep further and further into my heart- I have been able to meditate on that verse. stop the crazy cycle. and move forward from there. I'd like to say that it happens fast. That Jack throws a fit and I immediately respond to him with grace on my tongue and kindness in my heart, but I don't. Sometimes it takes a minute or two for me to calm my heart down. I wish that I could pack my boxes and say that I don't get irritated or annoyed when the kids get into lots and lots of crazy trouble when I'm not paying attention to them, but I don't. Sometimes it takes a moment or two- a prodding or two by the Holy Spirit, before I stop my little internal (and sometimes, sadly to say, external) tirade and change directions. But, I'm glad that there is a change. I'm glad that the Holy Spirit's prodding has been more audible and that I've been listening a little bit more. I have come to cling to my afternoons spent in the Word and some days it's all I can do to try and hang on until then- until I get a little respite from the chaos and get to spend a few minutes with just me and my Lord. One thing I've been instituting new this month (I've tried to keep up with all the other things I started last month, too) is that I've been setting my timer for 10 minutes and giving myself that time to just be with God- just calm my nerves and spend some time in the Word. Then, when the timer goes off I can get up and clean the house, can do whatever work I need to do, or spend time with Hailey or get the babies up from the nap that they're not taking that day, catch a quick nap, take a shower, fold some laundry, make a phone call or just keep going with my Bible reading, if I don't have any other things that require my immediate attention. I think that grace to just take a few quality minutes with God has transformed my month the most. I don't feel the stress of looking around the house every afternoon and seeing all the mess, but still trying to focus on the Word for a long period of time; but in my heart I feel like I've been spending more time in the Word than usual, because I've been more diligent and more disciplined with my time. Obviously, it is only with God's grace and through God's Word that I can change my heart. I know that my life is not going to get any less crazy, any less chaotic or any less loud...I just want to have peace in the midst of the craziness and I think that meditating and contemplating on the truth of God's Word is the best way to get there! So, do I have more peace??!! Maybe...hopefully...but, I'm praying and begging that God will help me grow in that direction more and more each day.