To my friends...

If we were sitting at my sticky dining room table, I'd clear you a spot, pour you a cup of coffee and share a little piece of my heart...

*I feel like my kids are at a hilarious age...it's just not always hilarious to be their mom 

*I wish I could laugh more often

*having two 2 yr olds is kicking my butt...literally some days I wonder if I will survive the day

*I love waking up to a clean house, but most times I just don't have the energy to clean it after the  kids go to bed and it's just plain depressing when it gets messy again so fast

*sometimes I want to hire our babysitter just because she leaves the house sparkling clean when she leaves :)

*most often my grand plans end up with someone in tears- and often it's me

*I try not to make too many plans

*I love playing and being outside...it just often doesn't feel worth the work

*I'm feeling kinda lonely...the kiddos have been sick, we've been busy and I am missing my friends

*I'm feeling kinda lonely for God...the kiddos haven't been sleeping well at night, they haven't been sleeping well at naptime and that equals not much quiet alone time for mommy and her Bible

*I often find myself at the end of my rope, with nothing left to give...that's often at 9 in the morning

*I feel like a failure as a mom

*I haven't cooked a "real" meal in weeks...possibly close to a month- I think even the kids are getting sick of frozen pizza, mac 'n cheese, hotdogs and pancakes for supper

*Korey's been working so much that I almost cried tears of joy when he said no to work to go grocery shopping with me last night

*my husband is pretty amazing...who gives up work to go grocery shopping with your wife??!!

*I haven't been caught up on the laundry in years, but I did finally get some towels and washclothes washed before we ran out about a month ago...since then we have run out a few times!

*my toilets desperately need cleaning...every single day

*I'm so excited to get a fireplace, but the thought of one more thing I need to "tend" to during the day seems overwhelming

*there's nothing that makes me feel less equipped than parenting...

*there's nothing I want to do better than be a mommy

*I feel like I've given up so much...but I still find myself irritated about small, seemingly insignificant things

*for 5 minutes my life feels so overwhelming and I just wanna sit down and cry...5 minutes later its so different...I wish I could remember that better in the rough times.

*I scrubbed the floor 2 days ago...since then we've spilled milk, coffee and juice. squished playdoh onto it and eaten numerous snacks...it needs it again already! 

*I can't seem to keep my kids noses wiped...they're always walking around with snotty faces and sticky faces

*I can't tell Maysen and Maelle apart when they are wearing the same clothes and both have their hair down...maybe that's why they've been taking their ponytails out every chance they get- they like messing with me

*sometimes getting my kids to help around the house and do chores doesn't seem worth the work...other times it seems like an awesome help

*Jackson finally learned to put his jacket and boots on himself...that feels like an amazing accomplishment

*my twins make me laugh so hard. they take all the fun parts of 2 year olds and double them

*Hailey is struggling with her hearing...we have no idea what is causing all the fluid on her ears and making it hard for her to hear, but it is driving all of us nuts! I feel like I'm constantly yelling things at her :( (She's only struggling with the "soft tones", so she can hear loud noises and little kid voices)

*I took my christmas tree down on the 26th...I couldn't wait to be done with it and all the needles and the twins continually playing with it! 

*today I struggled to get my twins to stay in their bed for almost 2 hours at naptime...that depresses me, because I really thought we were done with that

*I'm leading a women's study on a book called "Give Them Grace"...I feel like the least equipped person to lead a bible study

*Jack has been begging for a little brother...we do feel kinda bad that he's the only boy- surrounded by girls

*Ephesians 4:29 is my prayer for me and the kiddos this year "let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" 

*I heard this said about that verse on a program on the radio- it's like giving them a silver present with a beautiful bow each time you talk...I was sadly convicted that my words aren't always beautiful gifts to the hearer (and wish I'd had time to listen to the whole thing, but got interrupted, so that was all I heard)

Tea party time!

We had a little tea party today and the kiddos were so cute that I just had to take some pictures! Maelle was adorable! 

It was definitely a nice little way to relax after a few days of running and no naps and cranky kids! In Hailey's words "this is the best tea party ever" :) (it was pretty much the first tea party we've ever had, but I'll take "best") :) 

Merry Christmas!

We had some of the most fun moments at Christmas this year!! 

(and some of the not so best leading up to it...)

Captain America and his 3 sisters went shopping with me to pick out presents...in my mind it would have been fun and exciting- a sweet time where they chose good presents for the people in their lives...turns out that it wasn't actually that fun....the day ended in tears for mommy and 3 of the 4 kiddos....but, we did get some presents :) 

The rest of Christmas was much more delightful and sweet! 

Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa K's

We had our first Christmas morning at home this morning and it was so much fun to put all the presents under our tree, fill the stockings, wait excitedly for our kiddos to wake up and drink coffee in our pj's while they opened presents!

Hailey was the first one up- she was so excited and could barely wait for the rest of the kiddos to wake up- she had seen that the biggest present was hers and just couldn't wait to see what it was! 

 Macy and Elli were so funny opening their presents- Macy was so careful and slow at opening her gifts and after she opened one she just sat and played with it and basically left the other ones for her sister to open. Elli on the other hand ripped into present after present, discarding them as she went.  

 we had some friends join us for breakfast and we all had a great time! we laughed a lot, we played a lot and we were really loud- the kids put on a screaming show on the platform that Korey built for our new fireplace :) 

in the midst of all the girlyness going on in this house Jack got some truly "manly" things for Christmas- a hulk mask and smashing hands and his very own shaving kit :) He was fairly cute trying out both of them!

I hope that your Christmas was as wonderful and relaxing as ours was today! 

Christmas love

Sweet little Christmas "loves" :) 

My heart just loves seeing this little boy with his daddy- especially snuggled into his arms! We went to Hailey's Christmas program at 2 in the afternoon and poor Jack desperately needed more of a nap! 

My heart loves the fact that this sweet girl made a sweet little friend at school. It was so special to see them excitedly run to each other and pose for this picture together. It's always good to have a buddy to help you navigate school and life and I'm glad that God provided one for Hailey. 

My heart loves this precious maelle. She has such a big personality that I can barely think about her without smiling. She's so spunky and full of energy...not to mention goofy. I don't think any kid makes us laugh as much as our little 4th born does! 

My heart loves my sweet Macy. She's probably the most mellow and easy going of all my kids and that just makes her so "easy" to love! Today she and elli were having more fun playing than sleeping and I went into their room for the fourth time to see elli playing and as I put her back into bed and sternly told her no more and I looked over at Macy and she was squeezing her eyes shut so hard that her eyelids were shaking. It was so cute and precious. She's just such a sweet girl. 

The flu bug bit!!

A few days ago I read this amazing quote by Charles Spurgeon and fell in love with it

"To a man who lives under God nothing is secular, everything is sacred...The Lord has cleansed your houses, he has cleansed your bed chambers, your tables...He has made the common pots and pans of your kitchen to be as bowls before the altar- if you know what you are and live according to your high calling. You housemaids, you cooks, you nurses, you plough men, you housewives...your labor is holy if you serve The Lord Christ in it, by living unto Him as you ought to live" 

I loved the idea that doing my dishes, cleaning toilets, floors, laundry and serving my little family is holy work unto God. 

Then- a day or two later the whole family, except me, came down with the flu! As I climbed back into my bed in the middle of night 2, I burst into tears and was feeling so overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted and just plain wore out. All I could think about was that first line in the quote "nothing is secular, everything is sacred" and remembered that even cleaning up vomit out of my girls hair, changing sheets, doing endless amounts of laundry, wiping sweaty little brows, getting ice cold water, holding and rocking cranky babies are all sacred acts unto The Lord. Knowing that doesn't make a momma less tired or the vomit less nauseating to clean up- but it does give a momma a lighter foot in the hallway as she moves from room to room, more joy in her heart as she folds the laundry, more grace in her speech as she says "no snacks or food" to her sick little babies. There is something encouraging about doing your tasks as unto The Lord, regardless of what they are! There is a "lightning" of the load that occurs when I know that it's me and God in this together :) 

No one seemed very energetic or happy today! All the girls are still running fevers- poor kiddos are just not themselves. 

Thankfully, everyone finally held down a few puffs and crackers before bed tonight! 

As soon as I wrote this momma came down with the flu :( And the little ones started in on the diarrhea...ugh! this is like the flu that never ends!!

my 4 kids

having 4 kids, 4 and under can be exhausting, overwhelming, and frustrating. it can reduce a momma to tears faster than anything else...but the thing about these 4 kids is that they laugh, they giggle, they smile, they dance, they are goofy, they are wonderful. We have all been feeling pretty good over here for almost 2 weeks, now, and it feels like life has been one glorious beautiful fun day after another!! I had almost forgotten how much fun our kids can be when they feel good and I'm not exhausted from numerous sleepless nights. We still don't really get much done, our house is still trashed every night, we still don't get a full nights sleep most nights, but life has been so much more manageable and fun...I was so proud of myself the other day because for probably the first time since Maysen and Maelle were born I washed and put away a load of towels before we ran out of them and were drying off with washcloths or washing our faces with hand towels :) (it's the little things, people) :)  It's those kind of things that have me marveling about our life, these days. I've always felt like our life will never get better, or it'll be extreme chaos and mess for the rest of our lives, but I'm starting to see that yeah, we're gonna be busy, yeah, we're gonna have days and weeks where our kids aren't on their A-game (or their parent's aren't) and are are sick and out of sorts, but that kind of "survival living" isn't going to define our lives and for that I'm so grateful. I know that we can find peace and joy despite our circumstances(and there is a sweetness in snuggling up and watching movies and reading stories all day with your kiddos), but it sure is a little easier when you have a sweet little respite from the storm of cranky kiddos and sick parents!!  

Here's a few of the "new" things we're all learning:

Hailey is pouring herself (and her siblings) milk and juice

Jackson is putting his pants on the right way almost every day and getting himself dressed each morning ;)

Elli is going potty on the toilet without too many accidents (and a little bit of pooping on the floor...speaking of- shouldn't it be that kids are "afraid" to poop on the toilet because they like the security of a diaper?? not maelle...nope, this little girl refuses to poop on the toilet, but will squat on the floor and poop in the middle of the dining room)

Macy is getting herself dressed, most days and can put her own boots on

all the kids are putting their own clothes away

Hailey is helping me vacuum 

Jack is feeding the animals each morning and night 

Macy and Elli have a lot of fun helping me unload the dishwasher

Jack has been praying for God to help him obey and help him sit quietly during rest time

Hailey has been praying for Macy and Elli to ask Jesus into their heart

Macy is jumping "real jumps" off of furniture

Elli is starting to talk in sentences and be more understandable

Mommy has been trusting God more and stressing about life less

they have all been better at entertaining themselves and playing nicely together-sometimes that involves pulling all the toilet paper off the roll and into the bathtub or sneaking all the sprinkles out of the cupboard and eating them very quietly in their bedroom...but, it's been so fun to see them all play together better! I've been so impressed by Hailey. I always knew she was a born leader, but I love to watch her organize all her siblings to put on "shows" and dances and little singing recitals. It makes my heart happy to see her shine and use her God given gifts for good things- it truly shows that God is at work in my little girls life!! 

One of the verses I chose to memorize this year was 

Romans 15:13

 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"

I have found that this verse has been defining my life, lately. I've always thought it was "working harder and doing more" that was going to calm my heart and transform my mind, but what I really need is to trust in God, trust His gracious plan, trust that He can take care of my kids, trust that He will give us wisdom and strength, trust that He knows what will bring about mine and my children's ultimate happiness- even if it seems painful and overwhelming at the time. I have been learning to rely more on God's grace and allow Him to fill me up, so that I may overflow into my kid's lives. A quote out of the book I've been reading (Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick) is "It is only grace that is sufficient to sustain and transform us. Grace is stronger than all our work and all our weakness and it is made perfect when we humble ourselves before God's desire to glorify His Son and not our great parenting" (pg.64) We learn this in practical ways, each day...like when our son screams his way out of church on Sunday morning or our daughter poops on the floor or our oldest says mean and hurtful things to her brother or our oldest twin throws a little hissy fit in the grocery store (or, to be honest, just taking two 2 year olds and one 3 year old to the grocery store...if you've never done it you should- it's a very humbling experience) But, it is such a great reminder- that what I don't need is more great parenting, more rules, more lists and more organization- I need more of Jesus in my life! I need to say Yes to Jesus more and No to myself and my desires for an easy day, a clean floor, less laundry, no potty accidents, clean bathrooms, a day without fits or temper tantrums (or, to be honest, even just 5 minutes without would be nice), a trip to school without at least one kid crying all the way there...all these things are what I want and I desire for an easy stress-free day, but all these good things don't always bring glory to God- they bring "glory" to me- they elevate me and my "great" parenting, rather than making less of me and more of God! I guess that's why God gave me these 4 precious gifts- to continually remind me that I need to become less and He needs to become more. But, my favorite part is that God doesn't become more by me working harder and harder to make Him more- He becomes more by me trusting and resting in Him, so that He can overflow out of my life! Ahhhh....now that's a great plan that I can totally get behind- anything that calls for resting and trusting in someone other than myself is a perfect plan for this stressed out and often weary momma!! 

A Christmas party!

Korey's work had a family Christmas party tonight- complete with Santa, a decorated bucket truck, cookies, balloons and treats! It was so much fun! No one enjoyed themself less than Macy. The poor girl just hated the truck and wanted nothing to do with Santa. She did sit on his lap, with Maelle, but not for too long. Jack and hailey truly had the best time! They were so cute and hilarious- just running around, decorating cookies, eating cookies, talking to Santa...all sorts of fun stuff! Jack told Santa that he wanted a dragon for Christmas. :) Maelle was pretty quiet- just sitting there nibbling on candy cane after candy cane! I think her plan was to be as quiet as possible and hope we didn't notice...it worked and I think she's gonna be on a sugar high for a while :)

O Christmas tree

O Christmas tree, how lovely are thy branches! 

We got our tree this weekend and it was a blast! Hailey is such a party girl and such a little go- getter that she helps make everything fun. She picked the perfect tree- thankfully we didn't have to traipse all over before she choose one! :) (she can be a little indecisive at times...)