Today I realized that I have been nursing and/or pregnant for 3 years straight...wowzer! It was definitely a huge yikes for me when I realized it and it couldn't have come at a "better" time (when I remember that God's timing is not my timing). I know it doesn't really seem like a depressing thought (or maybe it does...), but with the state of my mind the last few days it was a pretty depressing thought. Jackson's been cutting his second tooth, so he's been quite the bear and Hailey had such a great week last week, that even a few little glitches seem huge and awful! But, honestly, my kids aren't the problem in this house- I AM! That's a hard realization to come to, but if I'm trully being honest I'd have to say it is the truth.
Thankfully, God, in His great mercy hasn't been allowing me to stay there- wallowing in my self pity and unthankful attitude! He sent along a friend at Walmart (of all the places...apparently God does have a sense of humor) to remind me of all that I prayed and begged God for over 3 years ago and how wonderfully and abundantly He answered those prayers and granted me my hearts desire. You see, it's easy for me to forget that these sweet little cherubs ARE gifts from the Lord and that there was a time that I wasn't sure I'd ever be gifted with them!
And, then, as if God was making sure to drive His point home I heard a song about a father dancing with his daughter and how he cherishes every minute of it because he knows that his time with her is limited and that someday, sooner than he would like, she is going to grow up and be gone! And, between those two circumstances God did really drive his point home- hard!
There is going to be a day when Jackson will have hurts that me carrying him around the house and nursing him won't cure...in fact, some day he is going to be done nursing and he's going to be too big for me to carry around! And, there is going to be a day when I'll wish for all of Hailey's chatter and her craziness back in my life- I know that when she hits her teenage years I'm gonna miss the fact that she used to sit on the floor in the kitchen and pose for a picture all dressed up in her princess skirt with her new sunglasses on. I'm gonna miss her simple childlike dependence on me for everything, someday! I may even miss taking them with me to Walmart to do some grocery shopping and being able to buy them mickey mouse shaped cheese to make them happy!
I am thankful for my children and I am thankful that God blessed my life with them- even when I'm exhausted and worn out and am thinking that I can't physically handle another minute of them- I love them and am thankful for them! I just need to be reminded of what a blessing they are to my life every now and then. Pray for thankfulness in my heart and peace in our household, if you get a chance!
ahhhhh...and, now I must go, my sweet little one is crying in his bed, begging for his mommy to hold him! :)