A forever changed life...

A few days ago my friend, Amanda, and I took our 7 children and went to our 3rd annual NICU picnic to celebrate our little miracles!! As we walked around and laughed at how much has changed in our lives in the past three years the biggest thing we kept coming back to was that our NICU stays (and specifically the children that stayed in them) have forever changed our lives. Her daughter, Lydia, took her family by surprise and made an early appearance in the world- totally throwing her family for a loop and leaving them completely changed. I think anytime that your life turns out different than you imagined you have a choice to fight against it and become bitter and hard or you can allow yourself to become changed by the situation. I like to think that my precious friend and I have been graciously shown the second option.

I know that there have been plenty of tears and a few little mommy tantrums...even some little fits thrown by this mommy...but because of these two precious girls who turned my life upside down about 3 1/2 years ago I am not the same person I was. I am changed and I am thankful. Every night when I put my twins to bed I pray with them and tell them that they are the best thing that ever happened to me and not a day goes by that I can't say that honestly. I know that these two have brought some of the hardest times and the biggest blessings into my life and I am so glad that I was given the chance to be their mommy!

Elli couldn't wait to hold the "cow bunny" and Macy just loved the one with the pink eyes!

Of course Hailey was the first one to get her face painted...and the rest of the kids waited oddly patiently for their turns!

this picture makes me laugh so hard because Macy asked the lady if she could have a crown and the girl painted a clown on her face and she was so happy with it! this girl just cracks me up. I still don't know if she thought it was a crown, a princess or just loved the attention we all showered on her :)

Our group...all girls and one little Jack thrown in the mix :)

Poor Lydia couldn't find the clown nose that she won, so she missed out on the picture...

 I do think we make up quite a stunning group!! I think Amanda should think about growing a mustache and I'm going to look into finding a giant sombrero to wear...I really think I rocked that thing!

poor Macy and Elli- all we wanted was a cute little picture of them and they kept getting photo bombed by their silly siblings :)

we had to end the night with the bunnies, too! They are, by far, our favorite part of the night each year!!

Mommy tears

This little boy is headed off to his first day of school soon and, honestly, I'm a mess! I thought it was bad two years ago when Hailey went, but at that point I could still live in blissful ignorance about how hard it would be. I never experienced it so I was sure it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. This time around I know better. I know the first day might not be so bad but that the second, third and fourth week will be the hardest. I know that he'll be tired and cranky and not want to get up for school. I can't lie to myself or trick myself into thinking he will be fine without me or that he's ready for it. I can't pretend that it'll be easier than I think on either of us...mostly because last night I went to run some errands with Hailey and left him at home and basically had to pry his little fingers off of my neck to hand him over to HIS DAD!! He was sobbing and crying almost uncontrollably over my leaving him with HIS DAD for a few hours! As I walked away I was almost in tears thinking about the days ahead. I fell asleep dreading them and woke up this morning with a pit at the bottom of my stomach. I'm nervous, I'm worried and I'm sad. I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to pry him off of my neck and leave him sobbing at school. It was almost unbearable leaving Hailey at school when she just looked at me with these big eyes and clung to my hand...her crying would have absolutely put me over the edge. 

God give me the courage to drop my little boy off at school. 

A perfect life...

Before I became a mom I had this idea in my head of what my life would look like...it was very much like a Norman Rockwell painting- if I were honest. I imagined a beautiful family, with smiling children with clean little faces, laughing parents who always looked perfectly put together. Happy meals with us all sitting around the table and quietly sharing about our day- possibly even reading some great and spiritual devotional as we ate our very organic and healthy dinner. Isn't that what we all dream of?? I mean...really, none of us wants to be that dysfunctional family that has food fights and milk spills instead of quiet family meals; who has mac 'n cheese and peanut butter and jelly on white bread more often than any pinterest worthy meal. I have pretty much come to grips with the fact that the only thing even remotely resembling Norman Rockwell type life is our fireplace. There are beautiful moments- sometimes beautiful days. Mostly, though, our family is a bit broken, a bit dysfunctional and a whole lot more like a Picasso painting than anything else, but I have been learning that there is beauty in brokenness and beauty in the crazy and wild. When my perfectly planned days don't end up exactly how I imagined- I'm finding that there can be beauty in the mess that we've all turned in to. When I think my kids are going outside playing in the flowers and they end up in a giant bag of flour in the basement I can be thankful that life around here is never boring. When our cute picture on the giant chair goes wrong at least we have a memory of our monkey like little daughter who can't stop having fun.  When a fun day at the beach turns sour, at least the naughty kids I share it with are pretty cute. When you're shoe shopping at Gander Mountain and your very loud kids decide to deck themselves out in the little stretchy sock nylons you can at least content yourself with the fact that you gave every person in the store something to laugh at.

Even though we haven't had a picture perfect summer. I am sad to see it end. Even though our life isn't what I imagined or what I'd always viewed as "perfect", I'm so thankful that it's mine. I'm so glad that I have this beautiful, crazy, perfectly broken family. I'm glad that we are a family of good forgivers, I'm glad that we are a family that laughs together and cries together. That we can snuggle up and watch movies together and jump on the trampoline together.  Mostly, I'm glad that we are a bit messy and that our life isn't perfect, because if it were too perfect I just might not fit in as well :)

A birthday party!

Hailey has dreamed of having a birthday party at the bowling alley ever since she went to a friend's birthday, there, and she finally got her wish this year! It almost didn't happen...Daddy was sick a few days before and Elli, Jack and Macy fell prey to the same sickness one by one this morning...but, thanks to Nani coming up and taking care of our littles sickies we were able to persevere and it turned out to be great fun for everyone!

Hailey and her favorite little friend, Hailey :) These two girls make me laugh so hard- they are both so unique and so "funky". Neither of them care at all what anyone thinks of them and both just march to the beat of their own drum. There must be something in the name of girls born that year :)

 

We had my friend make Jenny make the cake, again, and she definitely did not disappoint! Hailey was mostly excited about the golden rope and eating the crown. :) I would have to agree with her little friend Madison, though, who ate a piece of it and said, "I thought it was going to be good, but that tastes gross" :) who wants to waste their time eating fondant when they can eat yummy cake?? :)

 

We were down a few girls...and a little boy, but the girls who came were really fun and I think they all had a great time.

the presents were obviously a big hit :) what little girl doesn't love presents??!

but...in all honesty, Hailey was most looking forward to the bowling pin that all the girls got to sign and she got to take home! That was the one thing she kept talking about and just could not wait to get home and put up in her bedroom :)

all the cute little girls :)

They were all so sweet and so adorable.

Apparently Hailey has great taste in friends...so far I approve of them all :)

The big 6

So...it finally happened. My biggest girl- the girl I spent so many years praying for and begging God for- has turned from using one hand (5) to count her age to two (6)!! I can hardly believe it! The 2 1/2 years of struggling to get pregnant seem like a distant memory. The baby who cried continually is all but forgotten. The tears of a new mom long ago turned to tears of joy and smiles of laughter as this baby has grown into an amazing girl. The day she was born I wept tears of joy and continually thanked God for answering my prayers with such a precious little 6lb bundle and not much has changed. This girl is honestly a continual blessing to me- my hailey is just the most precious gift from God. She is happy, she is spunky, she is kind and compassionate, she's an awesome big sister, she's funny and goofy. She is truly one of a kind! I can barely hold back the tears as I write this and think that the last 6 years have gone by so fast...what happened to them??!

Hailey is so creative...she loves crafts and creating and I love that she takes an idea and just "runs with it"!

She's starting to read and I just love it!! Reading and books have been a huge part of my life- there's not much I love more than a good book and to see my sweet girl not only be able to read on her own, but share her love of reading with her siblings is definitely sweet for my soul!

she is goofy and crazy and has an incredible sense of style! I feel like every morning I should take a picture of what Hailey wore to school that day because almost every morning she makes me laugh with the outfits she puts together! This was one of my favorites...a little bit girly, a little bit super hero...and a whole lot of just pure style! I think this fad is going to catch on soon :)

Hailey is also a great friend. She is sweet, kind, compassionate and caring. She hurts when her friends hurt. She cries when someone in our family gets hurts. She laughs a lot. plays a lot and truly just loves well!

I don't care how old she gets I think I will always love pictures of her sleeping...it makes her seem more and more like my little baby and less like the big girl she is becoming!

she is definitely the life of the party! She adds a lot of joy and excitement to all of our lives :) Everything is an adventure with Hailey- whether we are riding a transport bus at the Marshfield hospital on our way to visit a friend and she's making friends with the bus driver or cheering on a friend at a hockey game and getting her siblings to cheer for the red team instead of the purple...she definitely adds a bit of fun!

Probably one of my favorite things to watch is how Hailey just takes charge, plans out an activity and gets her siblings to not only "get in line" and do it with her, but also manages to make it fun for all of them! Yesterday afternoon she planned out a craft for after school and had everyone gluing, coloring and using glitter to make penguins with hearts for wings. I really have no idea where she comes up with this stuff, but I just love to sit and watch her make it happen!

Hailey took this little selfie the other day and it just totally captured her little face :) She's so independent and spunky- so beautiful and creative. She is just the best gift that God could have given Korey and I for a first child! She's definitely not perfect, but I'm loving watching her be molded and shaped by God into such a beautiful little person!

Christmas time...

came and went and I'm still reeling a bit from it!! It was wild, crazy and tons of fun!!

We visited family (Korey and his mom were even able to take an almost weeklong trip to Texas to see his brother and family- we were all so excited to have them back that I'm fairly certain the entire airport rejoiced with us when daddy finally stepped off the plane...or maybe they were just so happy to have their peace and quiet back)

we opened presents- way, way, way too many presents! I had to make a few trips to goodwill with some of our old toys to make room for all the gifts our kids were given!

we went to our first Christmas Eve service at our new church...where Macy and Elli proceeded to entertain the entire congregation with their gregarious little antics and Jack fell asleep on the chair...

we celebrated our Christmas morning at home with just our little family and two of our favorite people- Bob and Karen!

we (or I should say Elli) watched my mom and dad's dog and took very good care of him. I think he had the time of his life and most likely gained quite a few pounds from all the extra food he and Allie managed to sneak off of our counter and the kids plates!

we crafted....A LOT! You can always tell when hailey is around for a while...that girl just loves anything that seems even remotely crafty :) or has anything to do with getting messy and using glitter and paint!



we read a lot of stories! Just before break Hailey started really sounding out words and being able to pick out sight words from different books. I think she is well on her way to being able to read and it's so exciting to see her start to "get the hang of" one of my favorite activities of all time!! Plus, she's really been loving all the practice she gets on her little sisters :)

we played super heros...A LOT!! This house has been transformed from a girly-girl house to a superhero's playground! Not sure when it all happened, but my girls have all taken to putting on their high heels, dress up clothes and then topping off the outfit with a cape and mask! nothing makes their brother happier and their momma laugh harder :) I guess I always did want a house full of boys running around being wild and rough and tough...God just saw fit to give me girls who pretty much do that very thing!! In fact, I just ordered Hailey's birthday cake today and, for the first time since she has had an opinion she didn't ask for a pink sparkly or princessy cake!

Our Christmas break lasted 2 days longer than expected- due to "cold" days and it was pretty hard to take Hailey back to school! I think the past months have been really amazing and wonderful for her, but really hard for this mom! I have really struggled to find where I belong and what on earth I'm doing here. My little three are just so self-sufficient and they like to do their own thing. none of them really like to cook or bake with me. None of them really want to help me do any cleaning or basically anything with me. They are all pretty much content to sit and chatter with each other as they play. It's been a bit of a wake up call and has been very eye opening as to how I'm going to feel in a couple years....let's just say that I may need some therapy the day I drop Macy and Elli off at 4K! :) It's really different to go from being intensely needed every single moment of the day to just all of the sudden realizing that your kids are growing up before your eyes. realizing that unless you are intentional they are just going to form their own little pack and probably start foraging for food on their own and living in the backyard. (ok...maybe that's a bit overly dramatic) But, I am realizing that my kids are growing up and I'm trying so hard to just hold on to the little bit of babyhood that we have left and just cherishing each moment that I get to hold and snuggle these little sweeties before they get too big!  My verse for this year is Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" :) And...that's exactly what I'm hoping to do this next year- make each day count. hold onto the good, let go of the bad and gain more of a heart of wisdom with each passing minute!