Wednesday, August 19

Mommy tears

This little boy is headed off to his first day of school soon and, honestly, I'm a mess! I thought it was bad two years ago when Hailey went, but at that point I could still live in blissful ignorance about how hard it would be. I never experienced it so I was sure it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. This time around I know better. I know the first day might not be so bad but that the second, third and fourth week will be the hardest. I know that he'll be tired and cranky and not want to get up for school. I can't lie to myself or trick myself into thinking he will be fine without me or that he's ready for it. I can't pretend that it'll be easier than I think on either of us...mostly because last night I went to run some errands with Hailey and left him at home and basically had to pry his little fingers off of my neck to hand him over to HIS DAD!! He was sobbing and crying almost uncontrollably over my leaving him with HIS DAD for a few hours! As I walked away I was almost in tears thinking about the days ahead. I fell asleep dreading them and woke up this morning with a pit at the bottom of my stomach. I'm nervous, I'm worried and I'm sad. I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to pry him off of my neck and leave him sobbing at school. It was almost unbearable leaving Hailey at school when she just looked at me with these big eyes and clung to my hand...her crying would have absolutely put me over the edge. 

God give me the courage to drop my little boy off at school. 

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