This has been a really great summer. We have been having a lot of fun. We have laughed a lot and played a lot. But, this summer has also reminded me just how tough motherhood can be. It's a tough job to be "in charge" of four little hearts. To be the one to train, encourage and discipline 4 little people. It's so easy to feel like I am failing- every. single. day. I loose my temper. I fall apart. I cry over things that don't matter. I get upset when no one seems to be listening. I don't always serve my family graciously and cheerfully. I get frustrated about the endless piles of laundry and the massive amounts of dirt and sand the floors seem to collect every day. Sometimes I say yes to things without thinking them through and my kids end up with Minnie mouse, kitty and dragon "tattoos" all over their legs.
(on a side note...Hailey is becoming quite the little artist, isn't she?! I just wish she would use a different canvas than her sibling's bodies) :)
There are so many things to make me feel like a bad mom. So many times I fail and fall short of the ideal mom I've created in my head.
But, there is one thing that I'm learning this summer...and that is that I don't need to be defined by my "bad" moments or my "good" moments. I am defined by God. I am a perfect and beautiful creation. I'm doing an online bible study called "am I messing up my kids" by lysa terkeurst (amazing book, by the way) and one of the verses we had for homework yesterday was:
Psalm 100:3 says, "Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who made us, and not we are ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture"
I've found that to be so comforting and a confidence booster on the not so good days. And such a great reminder to not become prideful on the "good" days.
God made me. He created my unique personality. He created this wild and crazy life for me; I didn't create it myself. Anything good in me- is because of Christ working in my life. Anything "bad" in me, I can trust that God will work out and use for good for me and for my kiddos.
I don't always feel like the best mom for my kids. I don't always have confidence in my parenting ability. But, I can have confidence in God. I can rest in the truth of the fact that God doesn't make mistakes. It wasn't a mistake that I had 4 kids in 2 1/2 years. It wasn't a mistake to God that I had twins, when I thought I was having just one baby. Nothing in my life is a mistake or a surprise to God. And today (and the rest of this summer) I will be resting in that and hopefully enjoying more moments with my kiddos- knowing that when I do mess up and screw up, I can ask for forgiveness and move on- knowing that God can use even my screw ups for His glory!
Just like he can save these poor little kitties from all the love and cuddles that Macy can dole out :)