a little "break"

It's been a bit crazy and chaotic around here, lately! We've been running a lot and doing a lot...so it's been a welcome relief to take a step back, relax a little and stay home!! 

 

First though, we celebrated my grandma's 90th birthday!! I love this lady like nothing else and it was sweet to be able to celebrate her! 

Since my sister and our favorite baby boy were in town, they came and stayed with us for a night! We ALL love baby Evan. There's not much sweeter than snuggling my kiddos on the porch in the morning...but, snuggling with Evan and Macy was way sweeter! The best part- she held onto his little hand!

Hailey LOVES to help  with Evan. She wants so badly to be a babysitter or a mommy someday...it's so cute! In the car yesterday she prayed that God would give her 5 babies! :) I sure hope he answers that prayer for her!

 

we went on a little walk with Felicia and Evan and found a teepee at the school forest. It was pretty cool and the kids had a great time playing in it! (they were playing Pocahontas...go figure that Hailey figured out how to play "princess" even at the school forest) :)

Sometimes I think a momma's heart just needs a little break from the chaos and busyness of summer and I'm so thankful that this week has  provided it! It definitely has been a sweet treat and a balm for my weary little soul :)

Perfectly loved!

this morning as I survey my house, I see:

3 laundry baskets full of clean, unfolded clothes,
an overflowing basket of dirty clothes
the leftovers of last nights bedtime snack smeared on the table
half empty bottles of water sitting on the counter
beach towels on the backs of every chair in the dining room
still wet swimming suits lining the railing on the deck
an empty box for legos...no clue where the legos even are
random shoes perched precariously on the edge of the coffee table
throw pillows and blankets strewn about the living room
our little prayer sticks dumped out and hiding under the dining room table
dirt sticking to the bottoms of my feet, because the floor hasn't been swept lately
toilets that are in need of some serious attention from cleaning agents
and 
a sink full of dirty dishes that I just didn't get to  before bed...

all of it seems so overwhelming...all of it speaks to me and says "you're a failure".

but, what's even worse is that all of it is still sitting there because last night was a rough night putting the kids to bed.
we went swimming and got home a bit late. the kids were hungry so I rushed them through a snack (at which point they were already well beyond tired) and tried to herd them off to bed...naturally they resisted. needless to say, it all culminated with a momma in tears and 3 of her 4 kiddos in tears as well. (thank God for Elli, who just seems un-phased by it all and was content to lay in her bed singing and playing with her kitty doll while the world fell apart)

I had given the last bit of myself and could not seem to find any bit left to give...that speaks to me and says "you're a failure."

it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and in need of a break as a momma. it's especially easy when life seems to be going so well and then "bam" out of nowhere a bad day, week, month strikes. it's so easy to blame myself. to immediately go into "bad mom" mode and feel down and like a failure.

it's not always so easy to go to the source of my strength and get myself a little "fill up" when I feel like a failure.

In the bible study I'm doing (am I messing up my kids, by Lysa Terkeurst), she talks about how much we are loved by God. I was so struck by a verse that we've probably all read over and over again and one that I know I've sang as a kid-
1 John 3:1a
Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us. That we should be called children of God.

It's so refreshing, so encouraging, so uplifting for my spirit to read that this morning. To be encouraged in the fact that I may look like a failure. I may feel like a failure. I may even be a failure, in my own eyes, but that's not what God sees.
I am a beloved child of God. I was worth dying for- even in that terrible moment when my kids were crying, because I was harsh with them- Jesus saw me as worth dying a terrible death for. and not only worth dying for- worth adopting into His very own family. My dear friend just adopted her third baby and to see the amount of love and joy she has for that child- immediately upon birth is just a beautiful reminder of how I am viewed by God. I am His daughter- a daughter of the King. And as much as I love these precious ones- God loves me more- with a more perfect love!

I thank you, God, for your righteousness that covers me. I know how sinful, how ugly and how hard my own heart is- but you don't dwell on that, because Jesus covers me. Jesus' love is what keeps me going. The fact that He loved me perfectly in spite of my sin is awe inspiring. I am perfectly loved by you. You over me with Your precious and perfect sinless self, so that I can be defined as a child of God- not as an un-worthy, weary, beat up sinner! 

And...here's to also praying I can sneak in some of this today :) 

Motherhood is tough

This has been a really great summer. We have been having a lot of fun. We have laughed a lot and played a lot. But, this summer has also reminded me just how tough motherhood can be. It's a tough job to be "in charge" of four little hearts. To be the one to train, encourage and discipline 4 little people. It's so easy to feel like I am failing- every. single. day. I loose my temper. I fall apart. I cry over things that don't matter. I get upset when no one seems to be listening. I don't always serve my family graciously and cheerfully. I get frustrated about the endless piles of laundry and the massive amounts of dirt and sand the floors seem to collect every day. Sometimes I say yes to things without thinking  them through and my kids end up with Minnie mouse, kitty and dragon "tattoos" all over their legs.

(on a side note...Hailey is becoming quite the little artist, isn't she?! I just wish she would use a different canvas than her sibling's bodies) :)

There are so many things to make me feel like a bad mom. So many times I fail and fall short of the ideal mom I've created in my head.

But, there is one thing that I'm learning this summer...and that is that I don't need to be defined by my "bad" moments or my "good" moments. I am defined by God. I am a perfect and beautiful creation. I'm doing an online bible study called "am I messing up my kids" by lysa terkeurst (amazing book, by the way) and one of the verses we had for homework yesterday was:

Psalm 100:3 says, "Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who made us, and not we are ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture" 

 I've found that to be so comforting and a confidence booster on the not so good days. And such a great reminder to not become prideful on the "good" days.

God made me. He created my unique personality. He created this wild and crazy life for me; I didn't create it myself. Anything good in me- is because of Christ working in my life. Anything "bad" in me, I can trust that God will work out and use for good for me and for my kiddos.

I don't always feel like the best mom for my kids. I don't always have confidence in my parenting ability. But, I can have confidence in God. I can rest in the truth of the fact that God doesn't make mistakes. It wasn't a mistake that I had 4 kids in 2 1/2 years. It wasn't a mistake to God that I had twins, when I thought I was having just one baby. Nothing in my life is a mistake or a surprise to God. And today (and the rest of this summer) I will be resting in that and hopefully enjoying more moments with my kiddos-  knowing that when I do mess up and screw up, I can ask for forgiveness and move on- knowing that God can use even my screw ups for His glory!

Just like he can save these poor little kitties from all the love and cuddles that Macy can dole out :)